one of my humorous sub zero experiences
After not blogging for over a week, I realized something: my heart's not in blogging. Cliche? Not really. Here's the thing. Who the HECK wants to read about my business and my writing, blah blah blah. When I'm browsing people's blogs, I only read the funny ones. So I thought, BAM! I'll write a funny blog. Problem: I'm not that funny. But then I went to my ice cream store to work last night, and I realized that, while I may not be any sort of comedic genius, my customers are infuriatingly so. Thus, while plastering my "I am so sick of explaining the menu- can't you people read?" smile across my face, I had quite the adventure with a particular customer.
Customer = mother of a couple crazy little children who doesn't seem to be paying much attention to her kids... or the menu... or anything, really... just enjoying the general splendor, I presume.
So, with the line backed up to the door, and the rest of her family's orders taken, the lady steps up to the counter, but only after I holler to get her attention.
Hi! What can we get for you? I ask. Her brows furrow, like she forgot she was in an ice cream store and had absolutely no idea why I would be asking such an absurd question.
Oh! I don't know! She exclaims, laughing- because that always makes it better that you're about to be a pain in my butt. Laugh. I smile, the smile that says, "You really couldn't even have glanced at the menu while you waited at least ten minutes in this freaking line?" I smile harder.
There's so many choices! She says. Then, turning to her daughter, she asks her what she wants. The little girl pipes up that she wants chocolate (apparently they're sharing, but apparently mom doesn't know if she really wants chocolate. She was just stalling so she could blame her indecision on her kid). Hmmm, chocolate, she mutters, like it's an interesting idea.
She proceeds to scan the menu, giggling every now and then about the amount of choices and about how she doesn't know what she wants. My ever present smile was pushing at the corners of my mouth, trying to maintain its brightness. Good thing the BYU football game was on. I stared at the TV.
What's good with chocolate? she asks, interrupting my only chance at sanity. I turn to her and smile.
What's good with chocolate? I ask, just to make sure I understood correctly. What's good with chocolate? I was thinking. Have you never had chocolate ice cream before? I mean, I know nobody eats as much ice cream as I do, but for the love of all that... good... you can put anything in chocolate! Brownies, cookie dough, strawberries. Heck, you can put chocolate in chocolate!
Well, you can put just about anything in chocolate! I exclaim in the most dramatic voice possible to mask my annoyance. I add a smile, just for effect. I begin rambling off the list of mix ins, and then she interrupts me:
Okay, but what flavors go well with chocolate? I inhale deeply before rattling off the long list of flavors.
COME ON PEOPLE! caramel, strawberry, cake batter, more chocolate... what doesn't go with chocolate. Lime is the only flavor I can think of that doesn't go with chocolate. Whatever.
After I finish rambling off about ten choices, she narrows her eyebrows in deep thought and looks back at the menu. HELLO! I just recited nearly the entire menu! I turned my gaze back to the BYU game, which relieved my fury long enough for me to decide I should just suggest something to her. So I say, my favorite is chocolate and cake batter. Now remember, there's about twenty people in line behind this lady, and I'm like, 99 percent sure she knows it. Although you never can tell: trying to conceive what could possibly mix well with chocolate was throwing this lady into a world of confusion.
Hmmmm, she mutters, by now completely forgetting she had a daughter with which she was sharing the ice cream. Cake batter, she muses. That would be good. Do you want to do cake batter, dear? she asks, turning to her adorable little daughter (her only saving grace) who by now was so distracted that she didn't even hear her mother, let alone respond. The mother doesn't really notice her lack of a response and says, yes, let's do that. Chocolate and cake batter.
So, I proceed to make her ice cream. In the middle (regretfully), I ask, "What would you like mixed in?" That all too familiar confused expression crosses her face again. I almost sigh in exasperation. Really? So, not surprisngly, she asks what would go well with that. So I tell her I like to mix brownies with it. After some thought, she decides I'm pretty smart (since I make 400 ice creams per day) and she agrees to the brownies. I finish putting together the ice cream, and then, just because I can't control my spiteful personality (although you could say I was just trying to save the next victim potential heartache), I tell the lady that, just so she knows for next time, if she orders this again, it's called sweet nothings. It's on our favorites list- it's my favorite, so I know it well- that's why I know brownies go well in it- duh. I gesture toward the favorites menu, just because I know that confused look is crossing her face- and I was still looking at the ice cream. I finish my task, look up and flash a customer service smile, and see that she's still staring at the favorites list.
I move quickly on to the next group of people and hear her mutter, "Oh, yes, it is similar, isn't it?" to her husband.
SIMILAR? IT'S THE EXACT SAME FREAKING THING!
It was a good thing the line was busy because otherwise I would have fairly leaped over the too-high sneeze guard, grabbed the woman by the throat... and then blamed the incident on one of my employees.
Please be aware, while you may presume this is a rare occasion, and the direct result of an overworked, stressed out 22 year old girl, this is actually pretty normal because this is the kind of customer we deal with daily. And you're right, she's not that bad. But try 500 of them in a day.
Be grateful next time your customer service representative is smiling- he/she wants to kill someone... and it's probably you.
Customer = mother of a couple crazy little children who doesn't seem to be paying much attention to her kids... or the menu... or anything, really... just enjoying the general splendor, I presume.
So, with the line backed up to the door, and the rest of her family's orders taken, the lady steps up to the counter, but only after I holler to get her attention.
Hi! What can we get for you? I ask. Her brows furrow, like she forgot she was in an ice cream store and had absolutely no idea why I would be asking such an absurd question.
Oh! I don't know! She exclaims, laughing- because that always makes it better that you're about to be a pain in my butt. Laugh. I smile, the smile that says, "You really couldn't even have glanced at the menu while you waited at least ten minutes in this freaking line?" I smile harder.
There's so many choices! She says. Then, turning to her daughter, she asks her what she wants. The little girl pipes up that she wants chocolate (apparently they're sharing, but apparently mom doesn't know if she really wants chocolate. She was just stalling so she could blame her indecision on her kid). Hmmm, chocolate, she mutters, like it's an interesting idea.
She proceeds to scan the menu, giggling every now and then about the amount of choices and about how she doesn't know what she wants. My ever present smile was pushing at the corners of my mouth, trying to maintain its brightness. Good thing the BYU football game was on. I stared at the TV.
What's good with chocolate? she asks, interrupting my only chance at sanity. I turn to her and smile.
What's good with chocolate? I ask, just to make sure I understood correctly. What's good with chocolate? I was thinking. Have you never had chocolate ice cream before? I mean, I know nobody eats as much ice cream as I do, but for the love of all that... good... you can put anything in chocolate! Brownies, cookie dough, strawberries. Heck, you can put chocolate in chocolate!
Well, you can put just about anything in chocolate! I exclaim in the most dramatic voice possible to mask my annoyance. I add a smile, just for effect. I begin rambling off the list of mix ins, and then she interrupts me:
Okay, but what flavors go well with chocolate? I inhale deeply before rattling off the long list of flavors.
COME ON PEOPLE! caramel, strawberry, cake batter, more chocolate... what doesn't go with chocolate. Lime is the only flavor I can think of that doesn't go with chocolate. Whatever.
After I finish rambling off about ten choices, she narrows her eyebrows in deep thought and looks back at the menu. HELLO! I just recited nearly the entire menu! I turned my gaze back to the BYU game, which relieved my fury long enough for me to decide I should just suggest something to her. So I say, my favorite is chocolate and cake batter. Now remember, there's about twenty people in line behind this lady, and I'm like, 99 percent sure she knows it. Although you never can tell: trying to conceive what could possibly mix well with chocolate was throwing this lady into a world of confusion.
Hmmmm, she mutters, by now completely forgetting she had a daughter with which she was sharing the ice cream. Cake batter, she muses. That would be good. Do you want to do cake batter, dear? she asks, turning to her adorable little daughter (her only saving grace) who by now was so distracted that she didn't even hear her mother, let alone respond. The mother doesn't really notice her lack of a response and says, yes, let's do that. Chocolate and cake batter.
So, I proceed to make her ice cream. In the middle (regretfully), I ask, "What would you like mixed in?" That all too familiar confused expression crosses her face again. I almost sigh in exasperation. Really? So, not surprisngly, she asks what would go well with that. So I tell her I like to mix brownies with it. After some thought, she decides I'm pretty smart (since I make 400 ice creams per day) and she agrees to the brownies. I finish putting together the ice cream, and then, just because I can't control my spiteful personality (although you could say I was just trying to save the next victim potential heartache), I tell the lady that, just so she knows for next time, if she orders this again, it's called sweet nothings. It's on our favorites list- it's my favorite, so I know it well- that's why I know brownies go well in it- duh. I gesture toward the favorites menu, just because I know that confused look is crossing her face- and I was still looking at the ice cream. I finish my task, look up and flash a customer service smile, and see that she's still staring at the favorites list.
I move quickly on to the next group of people and hear her mutter, "Oh, yes, it is similar, isn't it?" to her husband.
SIMILAR? IT'S THE EXACT SAME FREAKING THING!
It was a good thing the line was busy because otherwise I would have fairly leaped over the too-high sneeze guard, grabbed the woman by the throat... and then blamed the incident on one of my employees.
Please be aware, while you may presume this is a rare occasion, and the direct result of an overworked, stressed out 22 year old girl, this is actually pretty normal because this is the kind of customer we deal with daily. And you're right, she's not that bad. But try 500 of them in a day.
Be grateful next time your customer service representative is smiling- he/she wants to kill someone... and it's probably you.
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