My Life on the Clock: No Time to Spare

Hmmm, as my life clock ticks relentlessly on, is there time enough to make up for lost time?

The last two months have been a rollercoaster ride for me with several steep uphill climbs. A few weeks ago, I blogged about the unexpected health issue I experienced – major surgery for a twisted colon – and how it forced me to let go of my delusion that I am gifted with special immunity to health concerns.

I have been back in the hospital twice since that time for post-op complications. Fortunately, the issues were resolved without the need for another surgery, although there were some miserable days of nausea and vomiting (sorry, TMI) I had to endure. However, my surgeon has told me that if the problem occurs again, another surgical procedure will be needed.

I am fortunate to have been working with a dedicated naturopath for the past year. She has put me on a special diet – bone broth, pureed veggie soups and a fruit/veggie shake – for a few weeks to minimize risk while my colon continues to heal. It is a rather bland diet which takes some of the pleasure out of eating.

Aside from the obvious strain of illness, marathon emergency room encounters and hospital stays, riding out this rough patch has felt like a period of enforced deprivation.

I have missed out on the back end of summer and the front end of autumn. As a nature lover, these are days I treasure. Ordinarily, I would be spending as much leisure time as possible during these months roaming meadows and woodland paths tracking the winged wonders – butterflies, dragonflies and birds in their fall migration – I so love.

Yes, it is only a matter of 8 to 10 weeks of my life – a small fraction of my total days on this earth. However, at the age of 59, I am increasingly aware of how precious each of those days is to my life. I cannot foresee what the future may hold. Counting on tomorrow, next month or next year is a gamble with fate.

I have no choice but to take it slow under the current circumstances to ensure I fully recover. But a simmering impatience lurks just below the surface, reminding me that my life clock keeps ticking towards an end date that is unknown.

Have I made the most of the 59 years I have lived to date? Would I have done anything differently if I had had a crystal ball way back when? These are rhetorical questions that only spin me in circles. I need to find a frame of reference.

If I adopt the clock as a metaphor for life and do the resulting math – average lifespan for a Canadian male is 79, I am 59 – my life clock sits at 9:00. This leaves three, precious metaphorical hours left for me to optimize.

I find myself returning to a conclusion I arrived at in a post several years ago: There is time enough, but none to spare.

~ My latest work now available: Hunting Muskie: Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet

~ Michael Robert Dyet is the author of Until the Deep Water Stills: An Internet-enhanced Novel – double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog .

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