Cat Observations #12

In 2009 Mrs B and I adopted two brothers, Razz and Kain, from the RSPCA. It was my first experience of cat ownership having grown up either with a dog or goldfish in the house, the latter in a tank, of course, and not just in some innocuous location like the sofa or kitchen table. Since Razz and Kain joined the family we have also adopted two kittens, Buggles and Charlie, and two Norwegian Forest cats, Bilbo and Frodo, so you could say it's quite full in our household now. Though Mrs B knew what to expect, having previously owned both dogs and cats, it has been a steep learning curve for me and my lessons are still not over. In this blog I want to share some of the weird and wonderful antics I have discovered in the feline world, which is much different to the kingdom of dogs where obedience is paramount. A cat's motto seems to be, "I do what I please, so deal with it, you moron."

[image error] Looks innocent enough, doesn't he? Don't be fooled! 

 

Who Goes There? Friend or Foe?

Living with six cats is like starring in Mad Max on a daily basis such is the chaos and constant carnage this dirty half dozen wield. While Mrs B and I now know them well enough and how they're going to behave (well, most of the time!), what we can't predict is how they apply themselves when strangers come to the house.

I say strangers, what I mean is anyone that visits our humble abode. Family and friends do pop round infrequently but every time it's something of a mystery as to whether we'll get through the occasion without any incidents. A few months ago we had the ultimate test in the form of a police officer! He wasn't visiting to arrest any of the six cats, which surprised me, but Mrs B and I had asked for the law to pop round for another matter. Anyway, the humble officer arrived and sidestepped our cats before we offered him a seat in the best chair in the house. Well, when it's the law you don't want to upset them in any fashion do you? While the officer was taking notes our youngest cat – Charlie – who is incidentally the most assertive decided it would be a good idea to climb on the police officer's legs. I hold my breath when I walk past police officers, worried I may get pulled up for small misdemeanour, so imagine my shock and trepidation when Charlie proceeded to climb all over the police officer without a care in the world! I managed to regain my composure long enough to snatch the little sod away and allow the officer to continue with his notes. We struggled through the exchange but thankfully there was no caution from the officer.

Charlie tends to be at the centre of any incidents we have. We're good friends with one of our neighbours at the top of the street and whenever he visits Charlie is more animated than ever. I'm convinced he's wanting to leave Mrs B and I behind and go and live with the neighbour. Thankfully, it hasn't happened yet! Razz is also an assertive one when it comes to the neighbours. We live next door to a lovely couple and one day I was chatting to the lady and she told me not only does so she see Razz and Kain about the neighbourhood but she has Razz come into her house, specifically into the kitchen! Of all our cats Razz is the one who is particularly partial to food and I was immediately suspicious of how much extra he's getting in his daily ration all thanks to the generous neighbour!

I'm sure you'll be intrigued by the worst thing that has ever happened to one of our visitors! Well, apart from my mother having her clothes gently clawed, the worst incident befell my wife's stepmother. Her and my father in law were round and the four of us had decided to have fish and chips. This is a dangerous business as I found out the first night we had young Buggles and I also had fish and chips. In a nanosecond he went from sitting and watching me to hurling himself onto my plate and dragging half of my meal (including ALL of the fish) onto the carpet! No such incidents occurred with our visitors but we did notice Razz hovering around everyone's feet. He isn't the most subtle when we're eating our meals, trying to get on our knees for a closer look or even reaching for our dinner plates! On this occasion he'd fixed his sights on my wife's step mother and immediately sat by her looking innocent. Without warning he suddenly reached up and clawed at the fish on her plate! Thankfully, he didn't manage to claim the prize but I think the fish was less appealing having been clawed by Razz.

Every time we have a visit now I've become accustomed to cold sweats, heart palpitations and shredded nerves. I keep thinking about hanging up a sign outside the house saying "May the Lord have mercy on all ye who enter here!" but I don't think Mrs B would approve. Our house is becoming somewhat notorious to strangers though, especially the postman who has delivered letters to usand found dead mice and birds lying on the doorstep, like some sort of sacrifice to the cat gods! Hopefully he doesn't believe the same fate will befall him but given the unpredictable nature of our six cats I would never reassure him of his safety. I don't like to lie to people, you see!