A consortium of Troopz, three old Etonians and the guy from the Pengest Munch | The Fiver

In today’s Fiver: Cats in a bag Stan Kroenke and Alisher Usmanov, pizza delivery boy Cesc Fàbregas and some more pre-Fiver hype kids

Ask any level-headed Arsenal fan who they’d like to run their club, and the answer will always be the same: a consortium made up of Troopz, three Old Etonians (preferably at least one with a double-barrelled surname containing no capital letters), the guy who interviews Troopz, the guy from the Pengest Munch, and Piers Morgan so he can do the tweets, please! But you can’t always get what you want, and for years now Arsenal have instead been co-owned by US tycoon Stan Kroenke and Russian billionaire Alisher Usmanov. Like cats in a bag, those two, and as a result it’s been a right old shambles: since they took over in 2007, Arsenal have finished third, fourth, third, fourth, third, fourth, fourth, third, second and fifth, and won three FA Cups. Empathetic fellow football fans in Croydon, Wimbledon and Leyton are passing around the plate as we speak.

Related: Stan Kroenke makes £525m offer to buy Alisher Usmanov’s Arsenal shares

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