I Hate This Song but I Sing Along to It Anyway Rant

 

You know those songs you sing along to and hate yourself for because the lyrics are about awful people but the music is catchy?  

That’s how I feel about the Pina Colada song.

“I was tired of my lady, we´d been together too long

Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song”
Okay, that happens.  Now tell me how you rediscovered the magic in your relationship.
 

“So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed

And in the personals column, there was this letter I read“
You dickhead.  You’re bored, so you’re looking for a way to cheat?  While she’s sleeping beside you?  Really, dickhead.
 
“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain

If you´re not into yoga, if you have half a brain

If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape

I´m the love that you´ve looked for, write to me, and escape“
I don’t know who this person is, but I hate him or her already.  “Half a brain”?  Let me insult you before we meet.  Also making love in the dunes?  Have you ever tried that?  You get sand everywhere.  There’s not enough KY in the world.  
 
“I didn´t think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean“
Kina of?  KIND OF?  She’s right there beside you, you asshat.
 

“But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine“
And obviously it’s better to cheat than to work at making the relationship new.   
 

“So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad

And though I´m nobody´s poet, I thought it wasn´t half bad“
You were wrong.
 


“Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain

I´m not much into health food, I am into champagne“
“Hi, I’m not healthy and I drink a lot.  Want to have my baby?”
 

“I´ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape

At a bar called O’Malley’s, where we´ll plan our escape“
A bar.  Sounds like a good place for both of you.
 
 
“So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place

I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face

It was my own lovely lady, and she said, “Oh, it´s you“
Ha.  A happy ending.  They’re both cheaters.  Bleah.
 

“And we laughed for a moment, and I said, “I never knew”
“That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain

And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne

If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape

You´re the love that I´ve looked for, come with me, and escape“
You know why you never knew?  Because you idiots don’t talk to each other.  Relationships need work.  Also, you deserve each other.

 


Songwriter: Rupert Holmes
Escape lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

 

I’m still waiting for the follow-up song, “We Caught Each Other Cheating While Drunk From Too Many Sex On The Beach Cocktails and Killed Each Other”.
 
There’s another one with an insanely catchy tune that’s some jerk singing about how he cheats on his girlfriend and lies to her about and then laughs.   I can’t remember the title, but it arouses the same fury in me.
 
I hate myself when I sing along, but “The Pina Colada Song” is on the Guardians soundtrack which is the only disc in my car, so I do it all the time.  Also, the drink is quite good.  Grrrr.  
 
Any of you have songs like that?  

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