When to let your dragon play with fire

Will I – or won’t I?

Sometimes I get super pissed off.  If I was Kim Jong Un, I’d probably fire off a few missiles, just to let off steam.  Since I’m not, I see red..then pink, then beige, then it’s the next day and I’ve got other things to think about.  Until next time you really annoy me.

I find it really hard to explode.  Maybe it’s a life time of feeling like an underdog, like nobody’ll like me if I let my true feelings show – but if you offend me, I’ll probably give you a funny look, shrug, and go away to simmer quietly until the gas runs out.

Exploding is great.  Everyone looks at you, everyone knows exactly how you feel right now, and anytime you start giving off smoke like an eruption is imminent, people pack up and back off.

Not exploding is also great.  Blow up in an instant, repent at leisure.  When you lose your temper with people, they take things away – like their company, their useful advice on plumbing problems, their plan to provide you with mind-blowing sex that night.  Or sometimes, your job.  So it pays to sit tight on the lid of that pressure cooker.

But after years of sitting on that temper, I’ve lost the ability to just lose it.  I’ve become too cautious, too utilitarian.  I don’t tell people how it is, straight up, because it tastes too raw and rude.  I can’t scream and cuss.  I’m a sputtering match, a lighter with no gas.

“But we remember you shouting at us, mum! Will you fucking stop that right now you little…”.  Sure.  But it only lasted for a second.  And you’re my kids, so of course, I’m going to pull my punches.  But as for you – the outside world – I want to be able, sometimes, to tell you my true feelings, at the top of my voice and the height of my fury, and I want to be able NOT to regret it.  I want you to know what I think in no uncertain terms.  I want to unleash my dragon and shout ‘Dracaris!’.

But I don’t want you to hate me when I burn you up.  It’s a bind.

So all I’m saying is, think about it.  Keep your temper on a leash, but understand when it’s time to take it to the park and let it rip.

What do you think – when should you blow your top?