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BREAKING NEWS: Self-Soothing is Bollocks
SELF-SOOTHING IS BOLLOCKS, SAYS BABY.
A BABY girl has claimed that self-soothing is total and utter bollocks.
Six-month-old Rosie Brown also stated that being ripped from a pleasantly warm bosom when she is on the verge of dozing off, to be put down ‘drowsy but awake’ is really fucking annoying.
Rosie said: “One minute I am snuggled up on mummy or daddy feeling all cosy then BAM, I am shoved into what I can only describe as a wooden prison of DOOM. So of course, then I am way too pissed off to sleep for the rest of the night.”
“I remember this one night I cried and nobody came to get me for ages and I heard mummy say, ‘Google said babies should learn to settle themselves to sleep.’
“I don’t know who Google is but he sounds like a right wanker.”
“Rosie’s mum said: “I don’t get it. The baby experts say she should be sleeping while drowsy and awake after self-settling into a consistent routine…or she will turn into an obese dragon or something.
Fuck knows. I’m so tired.”
THE BOOKCheck out my new book that contains no baby sleep advice whatsoever… Just lots of laughs and tips on surviving the sleepless nights from someone who has been there!
Sleep Is For The Weak: How To Survive When Your Baby Won’t Go The FzZk To Sleep at book shops or on Amazon now!!
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The post BREAKING NEWS: Self-Soothing is Bollocks appeared first on SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK.
