Cal and Clementine

So my youngest, Cal (not short for anything) turns 19 today, which makes me feel, shall we say, less than young, but also grateful that he has reached such a significant age, relatively unscathed and happy.

He is an interesting, somewhat unusual study of a boy-man and his father and I look forward to his future, fairly confident that he will do well in the world, just quite unsure how.  But that uncertainty makes it more exciting, in many ways. At least it did.

Last night, Cal's father and I went to listen to a talk by Australian feminist activist and author of Fight Like a Girl, Clementine Ford  (who has a young son of her own) and the issues she highlighted about the online abuse she gets from teenage boys and adult men made me more nervous than I had been about the future for both of my sons and, indeed, for my daughter (who is a feminist).

I have been a feminist a long time, as you know, and have faced considerable backlash from anti-feminists within my wider family and friend circle, as well as from the public at large, researching and writing as I did for many years on domestic violence and homicide, a subject that made me angry and outspoken at a time when the F-word and anger about sexism was rarely spoken of in the media without derision.

But the 'hate male' , as Clementine cleverly calls the online onslaught of abuse she receives from men, young and old, some of them pictured with their children, is so relentlessly misogynist and demeaning to women, wishing her raped and dead in so many vile ways and using their real names more often than not, suggesting they feel quite safe and sure in their community to be openly threatening and misogynist, that my nervousness for the future of all our sons and our daughters was taken to another level.

There was Q & A afterwards but I left others to ask the questions, which I regret now. But what I wanted to ask, about how to be a good feminist mother, especially to boys, I felt was too hard and too close to the bone. And I have struggled with this task, to be honest. I also felt that I should have something clearer than I did have to say on the subject, rather than to expect Clementine, at 36, with only a young son at this stage, to speak to such a difficult and pressing issue.

And so it is to that difficult and pressing issue that I now turn to explore at book length. I had already embarked on such a project, but Clementine and my boys (young men) growing up so fast and practically living online where so much of the hate happens, have given the project the extra push it needed.

So thank you, courageous Clementine, and a happy and healthy birthday to you, curious Cal. Together, you have inspired me.