The Fiver | A wee ned with a gait that made Liam Gallagher look like Nureyev

In today’s Fiver: Rodgered, André Villas-Boas’s Big Book O’Excuses, infected pimples and Olivier Giroud’s never ending story

Bad luck always comes in threes, as Heart of Midlothian can attest. First up, the managerial interregnum of Ian Cathro, 7. That was quickly followed by the appointment of Craig Levein, a man who once decided Scotland were good enough to ponce about without a striker, as their new tactical guru. And now perhaps the cruellest blow of all, as the proud old club are forced to give up sole ownership of a long-standing record, one set in 1895, to a bunch of nouveau-riche, petrodollar-fuelled arrivistes who didn’t even exist until 1970. Albert Kidd’s got nothing on this!

Related: What formation did Holland's Total Football side actually play?

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