Why I don't take selfies: A story in four pictures

Quite a few readers of this blog have bugged me over the years to post more pictures of myself, particularly when I'm in interesting places or at fancy restaurants.  Earlier tonight, as I was enjoying a delicious meal at Pau Qui's new(ish) place, Kuneho, I recalled these messages as I stared at my mocktail umbrella drink.

Click an image to see a larger version.
The umbrella spoke to me.  I thought, hey, I'd look quite jaunty with that in my hair.

I then realized I have such short hair that I'd have to settle for putting the umbrella behind my ear, but I figured that would do just fine.

So I took this first selfie.


Now, please understand that this is my expression as I'm eating a wonderful dinner.  Despite how I look, I am in this moment rather happy.

I stared at the image on my phone and thought, hmmm, that's not the happiest expression, nor is it the most awake look.  Perhaps it's my eyes, I thought, which appear entirely too small here!

Upon which realization I shot this next pic.


One glance at this one was enough to tell me that I now looked slightly more menacing.  Again, though, for no clear reason I fixated on my eyes, which still seemed too small.

Time for another shot.


The best thing I can say about this one is that I achieved the goal of not having such small eyes.  Unfortunately, I did so at the cost of looking like a serial killer who's just broken out of maximum security and has been off his meds for about a month, living in the wild by scooping up road kill and eating it raw, bones and all.

At this point, wisdom prevailed, and I stopped taking selfies.

I think you will agree with me on two points:

1. I should not take selfies.
2. I rock an umbrella behind my ear.

Okay, maybe you will agree with me on only one of those.