This is How We Say Good-Bye

So, it’s all very very good. We’ve had college in mind for 18 years. We’ve saved for it for 18 years. We didn’t really hope she’d live in the basement.

We paid for books, drove her to games and rehearsals, pushed her to work hard. We filled out the applications, did more than stress our minds out, cross our fingers and say our prayers. But geez, this is the deal? She actually LEAVES? I’m paying for this pit in my stomach?

College.

This picture sits on my desk. This was my baby Cope starting kindergarten just a little while ago.

I remember her so well at this age. She had a little brother and a baby sister who walked her to school in a yellow rain jacket and Elmo backpacket. On the first day of kindergarten she came home and threw a ginormous tantrum, collapsing on the couch in a deep sleep from sheer exhaustion. She lives with passion, this girl.

What a privilege it is to be her mother. No other success could compensate for this joy.

Suddenly she’s this girl: so confident and smart and compassionate and beautiful

We had a great August. Slow days of packing and purging and sorting. What to bring to college when you have to put it on an airplane (2 carry-ons per passenger, nothing over 50lbs!)

We also had bargaining sessions over who got what – she is always raiding my closet!A certain sister already had her room packed up before Cope left, chomping at the bit to move downstairs instead of across the hall from mom and dad.

Cope and I and flew across the country, hovering above the great Salt Lake. It was getting real.

I was that really strange mom taking photos of my grown daughter while she slept beside me. I found myself gazing at her skin and eyelashes, wondering how this thing called “TIME” works. I thought of Erma Bombeck’s poem, WHY DON’T YOU GROW UP?

Guess what? they do.

 Although Utah is a dessert, we went hiking and found TREES!

We stayed with my sister and family where Cope walked little Autumn to first grade. On the first day, Autumn cried and clung to Cope. Cope looked at me with big eyes and panic, mouthing, “WHAT DO I DO?”

I said: Give her a hug and kiss, I’ll see you later, and walk away.

Oh dear, I feared I would be Autumn in a few days.

 We made it! She has a key. I don’t have a key. We love her dorm and roommate!

After buying out the entire local Target (when people tell you that bringing your child is the most expensive trip you will make – THEY ARE RIGHT. Me, the tight-fisted money mom was suddenly spending her feelings on lamps and hangers and ‘Honey, look at this llama lamp, do you want it for your room???! No? How about mug with your initial or how about M for Mom? Make-up? Do you want make-up?’ What can I buy you???’) Who was this woman???

We spent HOURS debating about room decor. (Believe me, Pinterest IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!) However, after agonizing over the tapestry and bedding for literally DAYS, we had just what she wanted. Bless you, Amazon, and your free Prime 2-Day shipping.

Roommates?! “Dad, mom knows she’s not staying, right?”

We walked around campus, reliving the college years (Gregor and I met at BYU!) Cope patiently endured us.

 This is a much bigger pond than our little town!

Of course we had to get pictures with the BYU cougar. “Moooooom!” And yes, we are now completely dressed from head to toe in True Blue BYC fan gear. I’m sorry if you find me annoying for the next four years