Ask Andrew - More of My Favorite Subject
Dear Andrew
Going along with this a past question. Why do most authors of M/M books write that anal sex is painful. I tried it in my youth and it wasn't physically painful, just mentally uncomfortable. (No lube used) Is it really painful for most?
ThanksKendra
Dear Kendra
The experience can be different for each person. Anal sex isn't necessarily painful, however it does require preparation and care for most people, especially the first time or after an extended period of abstinence. Anal sex for me personally is quite painful. For Dominic its a completely different story. :) Everyone's experience is unique, just as our bodies are.
The important thing is preparation, both physical and mental. Surprises are a great thing, but sometimes our bodies and minds don't take them well. A period for foreplay with plenty of lube, fingers, toys if you like, is a way of not only getting our bodies prepared, but our mind as well. As you said, you found it mentally uncomfortable, but you might not have experienced that with preparation. Your mind might have been ready so that what you found as uncomfortable, may have bene pleasurable under different circumstances.
The important thing about sex in any way is to give your partner pleasure. That's what truly matters. I think I tend to assume that anal sex is painful and write extra foreplay and preparation is because for me, it is. However, as authors writing our stories, I think what's going on is that we are erring on the side of caution and pleasure.
I hope this helpsHugs and LoveAndrew
Ask Andrew is your chance to ask questions of a gay romance author. The questions can be about the writing process in general, writing sex scenes, gay men, sex, characters in romance, characters having sex... okay you probably get the picture. I promise to answer your questions as frankly and with as much humor as I possibly can.
So if you have a question, please send it to andrewgreybooks@comcast.net. This is different from my usual email so your questions don't get lost. I will answer one question a week.
Please remember this is meant to be all in fun. (I was going to say good, clean fun, but who wants that.) So send me your questions and let's see what mischief we can get into.
Visit Andrew on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/andrewgreybooks and you can join Andrew's fan group All The Way With Andrew Grey.
Going along with this a past question. Why do most authors of M/M books write that anal sex is painful. I tried it in my youth and it wasn't physically painful, just mentally uncomfortable. (No lube used) Is it really painful for most?
ThanksKendra
Dear Kendra
The experience can be different for each person. Anal sex isn't necessarily painful, however it does require preparation and care for most people, especially the first time or after an extended period of abstinence. Anal sex for me personally is quite painful. For Dominic its a completely different story. :) Everyone's experience is unique, just as our bodies are.
The important thing is preparation, both physical and mental. Surprises are a great thing, but sometimes our bodies and minds don't take them well. A period for foreplay with plenty of lube, fingers, toys if you like, is a way of not only getting our bodies prepared, but our mind as well. As you said, you found it mentally uncomfortable, but you might not have experienced that with preparation. Your mind might have been ready so that what you found as uncomfortable, may have bene pleasurable under different circumstances.
The important thing about sex in any way is to give your partner pleasure. That's what truly matters. I think I tend to assume that anal sex is painful and write extra foreplay and preparation is because for me, it is. However, as authors writing our stories, I think what's going on is that we are erring on the side of caution and pleasure.
I hope this helpsHugs and LoveAndrew
Ask Andrew is your chance to ask questions of a gay romance author. The questions can be about the writing process in general, writing sex scenes, gay men, sex, characters in romance, characters having sex... okay you probably get the picture. I promise to answer your questions as frankly and with as much humor as I possibly can.So if you have a question, please send it to andrewgreybooks@comcast.net. This is different from my usual email so your questions don't get lost. I will answer one question a week.
Please remember this is meant to be all in fun. (I was going to say good, clean fun, but who wants that.) So send me your questions and let's see what mischief we can get into.
Visit Andrew on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/andrewgreybooks and you can join Andrew's fan group All The Way With Andrew Grey.
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