The peat-bog method of training for a big adventure

In the last three weeks I’ve cycled 830km across 1273 hills, hiked up 8 Munros and 4 Corbetts, and scratched 253,953 midge bites 37 times per day. I camped for 20 consecutive nights and have lost count of the number of ways it’s possible to lose a pair of socks and find them again in an unlikely location. I’ve woken up in more pools of water than a thirsty frog, and drunk in more bars than Oliver Reed. I can now get it erect in less than 5 minutes (my tent).

I would be lying if I told you tha...