Guest Blogger, Tammy Kaehler -- Mantras

Take Good Advice Wherever You Find It

 

I've had mantras on my mind lately. Not the dreamy, inspirational sayings that make me think of beaches and yoga and striving for greater things (I'm a fan of those too, and I have them littered around my desk on paperweights or torn pieces of notebook pages). I'm talking about the words I sometimes have to chant to myself through clenched teeth to keep my competitive instincts—or maybe my murderous ones? sometimes they feel like the same thing—from kicking in.

You see, I'm an overachiever. I rise to meet challenges. But part of realizing I'm now a mature adult (since I'm the "old lady" at my day job, where the average age skews very young), is realizing I can't do everything. More importantly, I've learned to save my skills and energy for what's most important to me. This isn't always easy, when I'm aware that those young kids I work with are wallowing in their inefficiencies without my sage advice. Wallowing!

 

Or something like that.

Here's the audience participation part of this blog. You can all say my favorite mantra with me … first, pretend to be Chris Rock, assume an attitude (maybe with an incredulous look and some finger shaking), and repeat, "Just because you CAN do something, don't make it a good idea."

 

Well done.

 

For a couple years now, I've been attributing this quote to Chris Rock—which is part of the fun because I'm about as far from Chris Rock as you could get. I'm short, female, and very, very (very) white. I like to think of myself as kind of a badass sometimes, but I, yes, pale in comparison to him. And I've been carefully quoting those words verbatim.

But I should have known better, because I don't remember quotes correctly. Like, ever. (This is part of the reason why I can't tell jokes.)

Sure enough, I recently looked up the exact wording of my beloved mantra, only to discover it's not what Chris Rock said at all. Turns out what he said (more colorfully, of course) was this: "Yeah, you could do it … but that don't mean it's to be done! Shit, you can drive a car with your feet if you want to, that don't make it a good f&*%ing idea!" Moreover, he was talking about bad parenting, which has nothing to do with me trying to establish priorities in my life. 

Close enough. Take the good advice, Tammy. Don't worry about where it comes from.

What this mantra helps me remember is that what's important is not that I. Can. Win! It's that I choose to win what I want to win, and I let some battles pass me by. My day job? I really appreciate that it's there, I'm committed to doing good work, but I don't need to lose sleep over the problems. My novels? That's where I want to spend my emotional energy creating good plots, interesting characters, and a realistic picture of the racing world. Anything else that pulls my physical and emotional energy away from writing is just a distraction. 

My husband prefers Stephen Covey's version of the same message: "The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing." There's also the pithy "Pick your battles." But I find the insouciance—and the simmering potential for profanity, I'll be honest—of my version of Chris Rock does a better job of stopping my blind rush to Achieve. At. All. Costs!

Dr. Tammy's prescription? Repeat "Just because you CAN do something, don't make it a good (f&*%ing) idea." as many times as it takes to remain sane and correctly focused.

It's all about figuring out what keeps you on track, isn't it? So tell me, what's your mantra?

 

Before trying her hand at fiction, Tammy Kaehler established a career writing marketing materials, feature articles, executive speeches, and technical documentation. A fateful stint in corporate hospitality introduced her to the racing world, which inspired the first Kate Reilly racing mystery. Tammy works as a technical writer in the Los Angeles area, where she lives with her husband and many cars.