A day in the life of depression (trigger warning)

Every morning when 'bang bang into the room' my alarm song goes off, I roll over and snooze it. As I lay there I feel empty, exhausted, like I never fell asleep. I'm tired, not because I didn't get enough sleep or because its been a busy week but because my soul feels empty and consumed in a dark ache, my heart is broken, my mind is blank and blurred so I doze back to sleep till the snooze button goes off reminding me that I have to get up.  I sit up and list of reasons why I even bother, what is worth getting up for today, why am I still exisiting? I list of the reasons, its a small list but I focus on that. Oliver my dog rolls over and sees that I'm awake, so he jumps up and kisses me on the nose then bolts to the door insisting its breakfast time. I obey. For he is one of the reasons on my list. However I can't eat, so I just feed him. I enter the bathroom and hate what I see. No wonder everyone leaves. I pull my make up box out from under the sink and paint on a face. I smile and fake a laugh, hide my true self, this is the girl people want. Why can't I just be her always? Leaving the house, I kiss Oliver before locking up then get in my car when Taylor Swift or Ed Sheeran are usually giving me private concerts with my emotions.Work is always a rollercoaster of emotions, mostly I just feel numb. When its quiet, my mind gets up to its old tricks and tries to tear me down. When its busy, the customers control how I feel. The nice ones make me smile and have hopeful feelings. The rude ones make me agitated, angry or sad. Then there are the handful of customers that want my attention, they make me feel confident about my apperance but then a wave of doubt hits me, when they know me or get what they want from me. They'll leave. People say that exercise is a cure for depression, I would disagree but it helps. Unfortunately I don't like most forms of exercise, but luckily, I found. Rock climbing. And I always leave this place in a good mood. However the work out is probably only 45% of the reason I leave in a high. The people I climb with just make me laugh. And while I'm there its like with every joke or sarcastic comment, they hand me light to drown the darkness. I have alot of "friends" but that doesn't make me feel happy or loved. It just gives me more weight to drown. I have five friends I consider soul mates, another handful I value, perhaps a dozen family friends I trust and a quarter of my family I respect. The rest is just noise, more chaos to my already heavy mind. But that support system I do hold onto, they are my reason to keep living in this world that tries to destroy me. Its the end of the day and I'm driving home, before I know it I'm balling my eyes out cause the pain in my chest is just to unbareable. When I get home I hide in the shower crying until I feel empty and theres nothing left to cry. When I lay in bed I hug my body pillow and imagine its him, because that's the only way I'll get any sleep. Before I met him it'd be laying awake till early hours of the morning having a war with my mind. But thinking of him but not actually holding him makes my heart shatter more. Now I'm at war with my heart and mind. Which do I give the power to destroy me?