On My Shelf: The Goonies (1985)
It's incredibly hard for me to view this movie critically. I loved this movie as a kid -- and my parents loved it, too, so I saw it many, many times. However, for your enjoyment, on this viewing of our copy I strove to look at the film without rose-colored-glasses.
This is one case where I probably don't need to describe the plot of the film, because -- if you're old enough to be reading film criticism blogs -- you've probably seen it. But for the handful who haven't...
Plot: Mikey Walsh is sad; his whole neighborhood is about to be foreclosed on and turned into a country club. He and his neighborhood friends (who call themselves "the Goonies") are about to be scattered to the four winds. That is, until Mikey comes across an actual pirate treasure map in his attic -- and he decides this is his chance to get some "rich stuff" and save the day. They literally go underground following the map and encounter real-life criminals, emotional setbacks, booby traps and all nature of peril as they attempt to track down the treasure of the pirate One-Eyed Willy.
Exceptions to the Rule
I think I can state without equivocation that this is one of the rare films that succeeds in having truly likeable and talented child stars.
They look kind of scared, here, but they're fun - really!They're all cute, they're all funny, they're charming, they have good timing, they have good chemistry with each other -- and, in truth, I feel like they are surprisingly believable for the scenarios they find themselves in. Other films (notably The Monster Squad) have attempted to get together as awesome a group of kids and have failed miserably.
For the record, this movie sucks. It's trying to be The Goonies
and fails REALLY HARD.I'd like to call out, in particular, the little boy who played "Chunk" (aka Jeff Cohen). That kid had comic timing, a physical comedy sense -- could convincingly cry and be terrified -- and still be believable as just a regular "kid". (He was also one of those kids who kept his head on his shoulders when the entertainment industry decided he was no longer cute and quit casting him in things -- didn't screw up his life with drugs and whatnot -- and is now a successful entertainment lawyer. My heart is so happy for him.)
Chunk -- American hero.
Nit-Picky Issues with the Set-Up
When I was a kid, I never questioned the set-up for this movie. As a kid, you know that adults get mortgages and whatnot, and owe money to banks, and might (occasionally) lose their houses because money is tight. That's a kid's understanding of the situation.
As an adult, I have to ask myself -- how, exactly, are all of the Goonies' parents defaulting on their mortgages at the same time? And why, and how, is Mikey's dad empowered to sign off on the forfeiture of all their houses at the end of the film?
This aspect of the film seems like the part most specifically aimed at children, because kids don't need more details on this situation to make sense of it. It's only as a grown-up that you're like, "Hang on a second... what is this arrangement, again? Does Mr. Walsh own the entire neighborhood, and has somehow gotten behind on payments?"
So, wait, he runs the museum AND owns everyone's houses? How does this work?Another thing you don't question as a kid is that all the pirate booby-traps that the kids encounter would still be functioning if they had been there since the 1600's -- that the ropes wouldn't have rotted away, and the chains rusted into nothingness. However, I'm not going to gripe about that, because it seems like that particular point is something only jerks would gripe about (like the people who complain about the fact that you can hear the explosions in Star Wars because SCIENCE says you wouldn't be able to hear an explosion in space). Allowing that the booby-traps somehow still work should not impair your enjoyment of the movie.
(*SPOILER*) And yet another thing you don't question as a kid is whether or not there are actually enough valuable jewels in Mikey's marble bag to pay everyone's mortgages off. For a kid, JEWELS IS JEWELS. They're worth MILLIONS. And over-thinking this particular point can only harm your enjoyment of the film, so let's just leave it at that.(*end spoiler*)
Minor Nit-Picks
I never really understood this moment:
"Mouth" (aka Corey Feldman) doesn't really have much of a character in this movie. He is the sarcastic kid, and that's about it -- he's sarcastic. The end. (This isn't a complaint. He's great as "sarcastic kid" -- perfectly fulfills the role. When you've got an ensemble cast, not everybody needs an extensive backstory). So I don't really understand why his character has this one, particular, grandstand moment. It seems like there needs to be something setting up why the "wishing well" was so significant for Mouth, but no - it isn't there.
The Story as a Whole
This is an odd movie. Why do I say that? First of all, because it's honestly a bit light on plot -- the summary I gave above is basically all there is, and other than that, it's a comedy and character piece.
Also, it's tonally all over the place. It goes back and forth between kid comedy scenarios and realistic crime adventure. I mean, we have a story about a group of kids searching for pirate treasure -- against the backdrop of three escaped criminals who are actively murdering people while keeping a disabled relative chained in the basement.
Not to mention that the dialogue (including the dialogue of the children) is absolutely chock full of obscenity -- which is a weird choice for something that is basically a children's movie.
Hooray for horrific child endangerment! And then we have straight-out-of-a-Road-Runner-cartoon moments, like Data saving himself from falling onto spikes with his invention of wacky fake teeth on a spring (aka "Pinches of Power")...
Attempting to watch the film without rose-colored glasses, I have to ask myself -- why was this included? Why is there an utterly unrealistic, unbelievable, cartoonish element to this movie? Did someone involved with this movie just go, "This movie is for kids. Things don't have to make sense and it doesn't have to be realistic."
...Well, maybe that actually did happen. I don't know.
But does that make it a terrible movie? ...Well, no, not really -- not unless you have a "strict, unrelenting realism" requirement for films you watch. It's still an entertaining movie, full of funny dialogue and (shockingly) charming child lead actors.
So, do I recommend it?
Yes, of course I do. I couldn't not. But if you're an adult watching it for the first time ever, please let me know what you think of it, and whether any of the elements I described actually are insurmountable problems for you. (Personally, I would doubt it, but I would really like to know if it's a thing.)
RECOMMENDED(While acknowledging childhood rose-colored glasses)
This is one case where I probably don't need to describe the plot of the film, because -- if you're old enough to be reading film criticism blogs -- you've probably seen it. But for the handful who haven't...
Plot: Mikey Walsh is sad; his whole neighborhood is about to be foreclosed on and turned into a country club. He and his neighborhood friends (who call themselves "the Goonies") are about to be scattered to the four winds. That is, until Mikey comes across an actual pirate treasure map in his attic -- and he decides this is his chance to get some "rich stuff" and save the day. They literally go underground following the map and encounter real-life criminals, emotional setbacks, booby traps and all nature of peril as they attempt to track down the treasure of the pirate One-Eyed Willy.
Exceptions to the Rule
I think I can state without equivocation that this is one of the rare films that succeeds in having truly likeable and talented child stars.
They look kind of scared, here, but they're fun - really!They're all cute, they're all funny, they're charming, they have good timing, they have good chemistry with each other -- and, in truth, I feel like they are surprisingly believable for the scenarios they find themselves in. Other films (notably The Monster Squad) have attempted to get together as awesome a group of kids and have failed miserably.
For the record, this movie sucks. It's trying to be The Gooniesand fails REALLY HARD.I'd like to call out, in particular, the little boy who played "Chunk" (aka Jeff Cohen). That kid had comic timing, a physical comedy sense -- could convincingly cry and be terrified -- and still be believable as just a regular "kid". (He was also one of those kids who kept his head on his shoulders when the entertainment industry decided he was no longer cute and quit casting him in things -- didn't screw up his life with drugs and whatnot -- and is now a successful entertainment lawyer. My heart is so happy for him.)
Chunk -- American hero.
Nit-Picky Issues with the Set-Up
When I was a kid, I never questioned the set-up for this movie. As a kid, you know that adults get mortgages and whatnot, and owe money to banks, and might (occasionally) lose their houses because money is tight. That's a kid's understanding of the situation.
As an adult, I have to ask myself -- how, exactly, are all of the Goonies' parents defaulting on their mortgages at the same time? And why, and how, is Mikey's dad empowered to sign off on the forfeiture of all their houses at the end of the film?
This aspect of the film seems like the part most specifically aimed at children, because kids don't need more details on this situation to make sense of it. It's only as a grown-up that you're like, "Hang on a second... what is this arrangement, again? Does Mr. Walsh own the entire neighborhood, and has somehow gotten behind on payments?"
So, wait, he runs the museum AND owns everyone's houses? How does this work?Another thing you don't question as a kid is that all the pirate booby-traps that the kids encounter would still be functioning if they had been there since the 1600's -- that the ropes wouldn't have rotted away, and the chains rusted into nothingness. However, I'm not going to gripe about that, because it seems like that particular point is something only jerks would gripe about (like the people who complain about the fact that you can hear the explosions in Star Wars because SCIENCE says you wouldn't be able to hear an explosion in space). Allowing that the booby-traps somehow still work should not impair your enjoyment of the movie.(*SPOILER*) And yet another thing you don't question as a kid is whether or not there are actually enough valuable jewels in Mikey's marble bag to pay everyone's mortgages off. For a kid, JEWELS IS JEWELS. They're worth MILLIONS. And over-thinking this particular point can only harm your enjoyment of the film, so let's just leave it at that.(*end spoiler*)
Minor Nit-Picks
I never really understood this moment:
"Mouth" (aka Corey Feldman) doesn't really have much of a character in this movie. He is the sarcastic kid, and that's about it -- he's sarcastic. The end. (This isn't a complaint. He's great as "sarcastic kid" -- perfectly fulfills the role. When you've got an ensemble cast, not everybody needs an extensive backstory). So I don't really understand why his character has this one, particular, grandstand moment. It seems like there needs to be something setting up why the "wishing well" was so significant for Mouth, but no - it isn't there.
The Story as a Whole
This is an odd movie. Why do I say that? First of all, because it's honestly a bit light on plot -- the summary I gave above is basically all there is, and other than that, it's a comedy and character piece.
Also, it's tonally all over the place. It goes back and forth between kid comedy scenarios and realistic crime adventure. I mean, we have a story about a group of kids searching for pirate treasure -- against the backdrop of three escaped criminals who are actively murdering people while keeping a disabled relative chained in the basement.
Not to mention that the dialogue (including the dialogue of the children) is absolutely chock full of obscenity -- which is a weird choice for something that is basically a children's movie.
Hooray for horrific child endangerment! And then we have straight-out-of-a-Road-Runner-cartoon moments, like Data saving himself from falling onto spikes with his invention of wacky fake teeth on a spring (aka "Pinches of Power")...
Attempting to watch the film without rose-colored glasses, I have to ask myself -- why was this included? Why is there an utterly unrealistic, unbelievable, cartoonish element to this movie? Did someone involved with this movie just go, "This movie is for kids. Things don't have to make sense and it doesn't have to be realistic."
...Well, maybe that actually did happen. I don't know.
But does that make it a terrible movie? ...Well, no, not really -- not unless you have a "strict, unrelenting realism" requirement for films you watch. It's still an entertaining movie, full of funny dialogue and (shockingly) charming child lead actors.
So, do I recommend it?
Yes, of course I do. I couldn't not. But if you're an adult watching it for the first time ever, please let me know what you think of it, and whether any of the elements I described actually are insurmountable problems for you. (Personally, I would doubt it, but I would really like to know if it's a thing.)
RECOMMENDED(While acknowledging childhood rose-colored glasses)
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