How Not to Make Your Own Solar Eclipse Glasses

There seem to be a lot of crazy ideas floating around about how to view the solar eclipse without sizzling your retinas.

Perhaps this should go without saying, but no matter what you've read on the internet, it is absolutely NOT safe to view the eclipse through any of the following:Fake nose-and-glasses setsRolled up federal tax formsTwo doughnutsLight mist from a garden sprinklerClear plastic spoonsA coconut bikini topBladder of a Portuguese man o' warAntique monocle and/or pince-nezTwo mason...