Transitions
Transitions are difficult. They are necessary, but difficult. I am reminded of this as I have packed up the last six years of my life to move to a brand new city, to accept a job offer. Of course, this situation is what I have been fervently praying for, for so long. Of course, God’s manifestation of things is not exactly how I envisioned it in my head. In my head, I wouldn’t have renewed my 12 month lease at the cusp of receiving this offer, to then have to break it and pay an overwhelming fee. In my head, I would have the savings to have seamlessly moved into my dream home, immediately and not have to crash at my sister-friend’s place temporarily. But I remind myself of Romans 8:28-- this is all working together for my good, somehow, someway.
Transitions are emotional. I am reminded of this as I soak in every last minute in the church I have called home for years. This covering, helped me survive graduate school, an affair, a dead-end job and an accident and a million things in between. This covering helped me fulfill my dream of becoming an author, a Professor and a whole, healthier me. I’m sad to leave. Just like I am sad to leave boot-camp, the place that, was for many days, my only solace when I was dealing with extreme loneliness and bouts of depression. This place is where I became better, healthier, clearer, and lighter. There were days where I did not desire to get out of bed because there seemed to be no point. And this place kept me accountable and put at least one thing on my itinerary. I am sad to leave the comfort of my students who I have known and grown with over the last 4 years. I am sad to leave my therapist who God used for my good. She helped me maneuver so many painful moments, particularly involving my family. And in many ways, changed the course of my life by changing the course of my mind.
I am sad to go but I am ready to go.
Transitions are big. I feel with this move, comes a wave of newness. Of possibility. I do wholeheartedly believe that all that I want in this season of my life is here in this new place. In this new space. In this new frame.
I am praying that I don’t lose sight of myself. That I stay committed to my wellness regimen even in the midst of transition. I hope I find an amazing gym. I hope that I make really really good friends. That I am pushed in my new position. That I get to relish in my family and chosen family more by being closer. Above all, I hope to find love.
I am faithful that I will find love.
So yes. I sat in my car tonight holding back tears, while saying, “you are allowed to be overwhelmed in this moment.” And damn it, I am allowed because this stuff is a big, big deal.
I’m unsure of what’s to come and the woman in me who lives by the planner is struggling with that. Even with people around and emotional support from loved ones, I still miss my mom during these monumental transitions. The little girl in me feels that loss when I feel lost. I’m grateful that God came through and answered my prayers right when I thought he forgot all about me.
Transitions are tough. But I’m tougher.
Transitions are emotional. I am reminded of this as I soak in every last minute in the church I have called home for years. This covering, helped me survive graduate school, an affair, a dead-end job and an accident and a million things in between. This covering helped me fulfill my dream of becoming an author, a Professor and a whole, healthier me. I’m sad to leave. Just like I am sad to leave boot-camp, the place that, was for many days, my only solace when I was dealing with extreme loneliness and bouts of depression. This place is where I became better, healthier, clearer, and lighter. There were days where I did not desire to get out of bed because there seemed to be no point. And this place kept me accountable and put at least one thing on my itinerary. I am sad to leave the comfort of my students who I have known and grown with over the last 4 years. I am sad to leave my therapist who God used for my good. She helped me maneuver so many painful moments, particularly involving my family. And in many ways, changed the course of my life by changing the course of my mind.
I am sad to go but I am ready to go.
Transitions are big. I feel with this move, comes a wave of newness. Of possibility. I do wholeheartedly believe that all that I want in this season of my life is here in this new place. In this new space. In this new frame.
I am praying that I don’t lose sight of myself. That I stay committed to my wellness regimen even in the midst of transition. I hope I find an amazing gym. I hope that I make really really good friends. That I am pushed in my new position. That I get to relish in my family and chosen family more by being closer. Above all, I hope to find love.
I am faithful that I will find love.
So yes. I sat in my car tonight holding back tears, while saying, “you are allowed to be overwhelmed in this moment.” And damn it, I am allowed because this stuff is a big, big deal.
I’m unsure of what’s to come and the woman in me who lives by the planner is struggling with that. Even with people around and emotional support from loved ones, I still miss my mom during these monumental transitions. The little girl in me feels that loss when I feel lost. I’m grateful that God came through and answered my prayers right when I thought he forgot all about me.
Transitions are tough. But I’m tougher.
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