Baptizing Heathen Words.
(It's guest post Friday! Today's post is from Jeff Goins. Jeff is professional writer, idea guy, and consultant. He blogs about practical writing tips, ideas worth spreading, and making a difference at Goinswriter.com. You can also find him on Twitter and Facebook. He recently wrote an eBook called The Writer's Manifesto which is currently available for free download. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here's how.)
Baptizing Heathen Words by Jeff Goins
It's the mark of any mature believer. It's how the early church could tell the true converts from the "wolves in sheep's clothing."
What is "it"?
A baptized vocabulary, of course.
Simple, hell-bound phrases take on a holy meaning once they pass through the waters of baptism.
Granted, you are unlikely to understand them if you haven't taken the church membership class. That's why we have those classes, of course.
These turns-of-phrase that baffle the world make plenty of sense to the elect — those faithful few who are still lobbying for an official Christian Dictionary.
So we Christians take the English language and give it a few more levels of nuance, all for the sake of redeeming our filthy mouths. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
Here are six phrases that gain new meaning once they step into the kingdom of God:
1. Disciple
World's Definition: n. A person who is a pupil or an adherent of the doctrines of another; follower.
Example: Plato was a disciple of Socrates.
Christian Definition: v. The act of taking someone out to coffee, telling him to pray more and stop cussing like a sailor. (Nothing against sailors, of course. They need Jesus, too.)
Example: I'm discipling thirteen teenagers. I'm worried that if they don't clean up their act, they may join the Navy. But, PTL*, God's giving me patience.
*definition within a definition: PTL = Praise The Lord
2. Fellowship
World's Definition: n. A group of people meeting to pursue a shared interest.
Example: Our book club is a great fellowship of friends.
Christian Definition: v. To indulge in various gluttonous acts, usually at Cracker Barrel, but saying grace first to redeem the calories. (Calories hate prayer.)
Example: Do you want to get together tonight and fellowship over pie… and ice cream… and milkshakes… with whipped cream? You can say the prayer.
3. Steward
World's Definition: n. A person who manages another's property.
Example: The steward of Gondor manages the kingdom until the return of the king. (Had to work in a Lord of the Rings reference.)
Christian Definition: v. 1. To spiritually justify an excessive purchase, while bragging about it at the same time.
Example: Tommy's been promoted sixteen times in the past twelve months. God's really blessed us. We just want to steward what he's given us, including this 2012 Lamborghini Aventador LP700-4. Did you see the ichthus? It's eating the Darwin fish!
4. Laying on of hands
World's Definition: v. To touch someone because you want to hurt them.
Example: He better be careful or else someone's gonna lay hands on him.
Christian Definition: A special exercise you utilize when you really want a prayer to work. (Often accompanied by tears from both parties.)
Example: Man, this prayer for healing isn't working. Have you tried the laying on of hands?
5. A good word
World's Definition: n. A word that is positive in nature.
Example: Plethora (admit it, it's a great word).
Christian Definition: n. What people tell the pastor about his message when they don't know what else to say.
Example: Pastor, that was a real good word this morning. Bless your heart. Will you join us at the Cracker Barrel for fellowshippin' after the service?
And, of course, the mother of all Christian words…
6. Christian
World's Definition: n. A person who follows Christ.
Example: I am a Christian.
Christian Definition: adj. A descriptive term added to any inanimate object or vocation to make it sound holy.
Example: Don't you just LOVE listening to Christian music while driving your kids to Christian preschool before attending your Christian karate class? I do. Hiyah!
So there you have it — your first introduction to a reborn vocabulary.
Come to think of it, we could probably learn a thing or two from the non-Christian dictionary.
(My sources tell me that this is actually called just a "dictionary." My sources need Jesus.)
What other words/phrases need to be redeemed from Christianity?
(You can find more from Jeff Goins at Goinswriter.com. You can also find him on Twitter and Facebook.)
