(Un)happy - an (up)date

Moving overseas is hard. That seems to be the lesson of my
last post. Since writing it I have been inundated with messages from friends
and family, offering sympathy and, notably from fellow expats, recognition.
Writing the post was cathartic and in many ways I am now feeling better, which
renders me rather sheepish when people check in with me to make sure I’m doing
OK. But there is something about owning my unhappiness which means that it
doesn’t bother me so much. I don’t feel obliged to put in so much effort to try
to drive it away. I am homesick and that makes me unhappy, that’s still true.
That doesn’t mean that I am not also, often, happy. One friend said that for
her, happiness and unhappiness were a yin and yang, both always present, rather
than an either / or. Another pointed out that the French word for happiness,
bonheur, literally means ‘good hour’. Clearly the French do not believe in
happiness as a lasting state, but as a transient moment of joy. Up until
recently I was making the mistake of thinking that my unhappiness cancelled out
my happiness, and vice versa. Since writing my post, I’ve been more willing to
welcome both into my life like a pair of cats who come and go as they please.
My unhappiness does not make me burn any more. It’s a reminder to be kind to
myself, to reconnect with the people who make me feel better, to take pleasure
in the things I like about being here, or, at worst, just to rest and wait it
out. As for my happiness, I appreciate every moment of it, knowing that it
doesn’t need to be more than a 'good hour’ to bring value to my life. Things
are good enough for now. In the longer term, I would like them to be better.
But I’m content to be unhappy some of the time, as, indeed, I always will be.