On love at first sight
It’s an intriguing phenomenon, and it’s one of the most popular tropes in romance, so it’s interesting that there are so many skeptics. Perhaps it’s because our first introduction to the idea is in fairy tales?
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Think about it: A dashing prince on a white horse just happens to fall instantly, irrevocably in love with a princess, knowing nothing about her other than the fact that she’s beautiful.
That’s pretty shallow. And unrealistic.
Throw in some swashbuckling, some cackling villains, a fairy godmother, a few dragons, and at least one sky-scraping tower in which to imprison the pretty, pretty princess, and it’s easy to understand how I became a cynic on the subject by the time I was eight years old.
It wasn’t because the fables weren’t enjoyable, but because they were marketed to little girls, and so many things marketed to little girls tend to be brushed off as insipid and ridiculous. Fun fact: More men believe in love at first sight than women. Huh…interesting. If poetry by these well-respected poets is any indication, I’m inclined to believe it.
A bit dramatic for me, though. Not that I don’t appreciate them. I feel about those poets, the way I feel about really emotional ballads: They’re beautiful–haunting, even, but I don’t want to listen to them in the shower, or in my car, or dancing around my house as I sweep and wash dishes. I have to be in the mood.
I like my love-at-first-sight slightly less nostalgic, a little more relatable. So…fairy tales and poetry aren’t my go-to for casual reading…what about science? Everyone e̶x̶c̶e̶p̶t̶ ̶D̶o̶n̶a̶l̶d̶ ̶T̶r̶u̶m̶p̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶e̶v̶i̶l̶ ̶m̶i̶n̶i̶o̶n̶s̶ trusts fact, right? Luckily, biological anthropologist Helen Fisher has lots of that. Here are my favorites:
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It takes less than a second to decide whether you find someone attractive.
Within the first three minutes of talking to someone, you’ll know if he or she is a suitable match.
Someone in love shows similar brain activity as someone addicted to heroin, because the brain releases dopamine, a hormone which controls wanting, craving, obsessions, focus, energy, and motivation.
Love at first sight doesn’t happen to everyone, and it happens to more men (because they’re more visual) than women (who are more cautious, because we’re “custodians of the egg”).
*Breaks fourth wall and stares into the camera lens like a character on The Office*
Well, that sucks. And it’s not very romantic. How about a happy medium?
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If I was talking movies, I’d fire off a list a mile long. I’d be the movie addict version of Bubba Gump, substituting film titles for shrimp dishes. (I may still do this in future, fair warning). But I mean books. Inclusive books, where the hero and/ or heroine might sometimes look like me, or any combination of ethnicities, ablebodiedness, faiths, orientations and gender identities.
They’re out there, but they’re lonely. We need more diverse books. So if you’re reading this, you write, and feel compelled…add a few hundred pages to the mix.
Toni Morrison said, “If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.”
I’ve done just that with my debut novel, Between You and Me. After reading it about 300 times on the road to publishing, I’ve recognized the influence of fairy tales, poetry, science, and the romantic comedy within its pages. I’m so proud and happy to share with you what happens to Finn and Emanuela when love at first sight grabs hold of them.
Coming soon!
XOXOXO
~L
