How to Effectively Boost Your Son’s Back-to-School Confidence
I just dropped off my 14-year-old son for the start of new year, at a brand-new new school. I had a lump in my throat, knowing how nervous he was about this new season.
Every year brings a new set of challenges for our kids, even at old schools. But today, that is especially true for boys. We saw in our For Parents Only research with teens and pre-teens, that in today’s culture – even in the most well-intentioned school environments – our boys often internalize one overwhelming, toxic message: You aren’t good enough. You’re dumb. You don’t measure up.
Tweet this: “We have the main role in sending our sons into school believing that he CAN succeed in the first place!“
So start saying these truths today, and say them often!
Truth #1: “You ARE smart!!!”
Boys often secretly think of themselves as “dumb” – and nothing could be further from the truth.
Tweet this: “Boy brains often need movement in order to learn.“
So he doesn’t comprehend it properly, doesn’t do the assignment properly, and gets a poor grade. He wanted to succeed, wanted to do well – but he couldn’t.
Repeat this dynamic thirty or forty (or three hundred) times in the first year or two of school – and it’s not surprising that you have a boy who assumes: “I’m dumb.”
You as a parent must call out this lie and blast it away. “You’re not dumb. You’re a smart kid.” “We need to find and work with the way your brain learns – and we will!” Yes, our schools are set up for girl learning, but every boy can adapt to it in their own way, with (for example) reviewing the textbook or notes during homework time with breaks to go outside and shoot hoops. Or by listening to Catcher in the Rye on audio instead of just reading it.
Or by grasping the ways that they are smart and emphasizing those. As my friend Kathy Koch wrote in her book Eight Great Smarts, every child has unique “smarts” that are built into them – and it is life-changing for that child to suddenly see their specific intellectual gifts. Once they suddenly believe that they are smart, they believe they can do this thing called school – and they start trying again!
Truth #2: “I believe in you, and here’s why:___________”
Every child needs to hear this, but it is especially essential for a boy who is doubting himself. Before I dropped my (nervous) son off this morning, I reminded him what he knew, but he needed to hear again: You are a hard worker. You don’t give up. You have already learned a few of these things at your previous school. You’ve met some of the kids in your class over the summer. Conclusion: it is entirely reasonable to think you are going to do GREAT. And I know you can.
Maybe your child struggles in language arts but does great in science or math. Maybe he isn’t as organized as he needs to be, but he’s a hard worker. Or maybe he doesn’t care as much as he should about grades, but does enjoy learning a certain subject. Whatever his area of strength, emphasize it. Remind him of it. So he believes: There IS something I am good at!
The more he knows WHY you believe in him, the more he will believe in himself. And that is crucial for him to continue moving forward.
Tweet this: “For Women Only, The Good News About Marriage).
Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge, demonstrates that kindness is the answer to almost every life problem, and is sparking a much-needed movement of kindness across the country. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.
This article was first published at Patheos.
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