Off-My-Shelf: Phenomena (1985)
Okay, to make up to Labyrinth fans for last week's review where I unfavorably compared it to Time Bandits....Here's Phenomena! Which makes Labyrinth look like a really coherent, well-constructed film!
I saw a trailer for this movie a couple weeks ago, and thought it looked pretty interesting -- and then we went to a party at Mr. and Mrs. Austin's house last week and were surprised to find that this was the scheduled viewing. Quite a lucky coincidence, really.
Okay, there's nowhere to start with Phenomena except for trying to describe the plot:
Jennifer Connelly is the daughter of a famous person. She is sent to attend this weird school in Italy for unclear reasons. Outside the school, some weird murders take place. Jennifer Connelly has a weird relationship with insects. Then she sleepwalks and meets Donald Pleasance, who is kindly and has a pet monkey, but also says weird, suggestive things. Some more stuff happens. Then, there's a big, weird ending.
It's actually an interesting-looking trailer.
Many, Many Problems, and So Much Weirdness
Did my description of this movie sound a bit weird, unclear and disjointed? That would be a good summary of the film -- weird, unclear and disjointed.
The movie starts out well (for a slasher/horror type movie) -- with somebody being attacked and their head falling off. But then we move on to Jennifer Connelly arriving at this Italian school and being nice to a bee, and it's really unclear where things are going to go.
Then, we cut to Donald Pleasance watching maggots squirm around on (was is presumably) the head that fell off that person at the beginning of the film. And it's really unclear how these things are going to relate to each other, if at all. Did I mention Jennifer Connelly sleepwalks in this film? It also only loosely figures into the plot, and I have no idea how it relates to her weird relationship with bugs (which is that bugs really like her. I mean really like her).
The movie is also apparently called "Creepers" in some circles.
And for the record, the bugs never eat her face like in this poster.
Not even slightly.I had several questions during this movie:
1) Why do bugs like Jennifer Connelly so much? (Answer: There is no answer.)
2) Why does Jennifer Connelly sleepwalk, and what does it have to do with anything? (Answer: There is no answer. Outside the "storytelling" aspect, that sleepwalking gives her a reason to go out and bump into Donald Pleasence.)
3) Who is the murderer, and what does this have to do with any of the other stuff? (Answer: It is explained.... but it's really out of left-field).
Ultimately, this movie feels like somebody threw a bunch of story elements into a hat, then let their pet monkey choose a random selection out of the hat (and throw in some of his own story suggestions, like, "More yummy maggots, please,") and filmed the result.
Which would actually explain why the monkey figures
importantly into the plot.None of the things that happened in this movie flowed logically into each other.
It seems like a major characteristic of really bad movies is that people in them do things that no one in real life would do. This movie had that characteristic. Also, parts of this movie seemed to be ripping off certain famous American horror movies, specifically, Friday the 13th and Firestarter. In the "making of" after the movie, the Italian filmmaker claimed that the American movies were ripping him off, which seems unlikely, since this movie came out in 1985, and Friday the 13th and Firestarter happened in in 1980 and 1984, respectively.
Things That This Movie Had Going For It
All of that said -- the movie wasn't entirely without merit. First, it had a good cast. Jennifer Connelly was fine as the lead girl, and Donald Pleasence was very Donald Pleasence-y in his role as "Old Doctor Exposition". Second, it was a nice-looking movie (even the disgusting-looking parts were nicely choreographed, in that sense). Third, if you're a fan of gory horror films, it had some truly horrific gore and goo scenes -- and more than the average number of scenes of people's heads falling off. Fourth, it had a monkey! That figured importantly into the plot! Fifth, it had an unexpectedly rockin' soundtrack (although it was used in a very odd way; for instance, there's a quiet scene of Jennifer Connelly slowly following a firefly into the darkness of the night...
...and instead of having something like an eerie, Danny Elfman-esque orchestral piece backing the scene, it's got an Italian rock band called Goblin blasting some pretty metal chords. It's just a really weird contrast.)
Do I Recommend This Movie?
Ah.... well, yes, but with four important reservations. The first reservation is, don't accidentally mix it up with that crappy 1990's John Travolta movie, Phenomenon -- because that would be a bad, boring and overly sentimental experience for everyone involved. (Don't watch Michael either). The other three reservations are as follows:
1) YOU MUST LIKE CHEESY 1980'S HORROR MOVIES.
2) YOU MUST LIKE CHEESY FOREIGN MOVIES.
3) It would help if you like Jennifer Connelly, and aren't too turned off at the idea of watching her make herself throw up. (Personally, watching people throw up isn't my cup of tea, but in spite of there being an overly long scene of this, it didn't wholly turn me off the film).
If you answered yes to the majority of those conditions, then, yes, by all means, please watch Phenomena. It's a disjointed mess, but entertainingly cheese-tastic.
RECOMMENDED(with vastly cheese-filled reservations)
I saw a trailer for this movie a couple weeks ago, and thought it looked pretty interesting -- and then we went to a party at Mr. and Mrs. Austin's house last week and were surprised to find that this was the scheduled viewing. Quite a lucky coincidence, really.
Okay, there's nowhere to start with Phenomena except for trying to describe the plot:
Jennifer Connelly is the daughter of a famous person. She is sent to attend this weird school in Italy for unclear reasons. Outside the school, some weird murders take place. Jennifer Connelly has a weird relationship with insects. Then she sleepwalks and meets Donald Pleasance, who is kindly and has a pet monkey, but also says weird, suggestive things. Some more stuff happens. Then, there's a big, weird ending.
It's actually an interesting-looking trailer.
Many, Many Problems, and So Much Weirdness
Did my description of this movie sound a bit weird, unclear and disjointed? That would be a good summary of the film -- weird, unclear and disjointed.
The movie starts out well (for a slasher/horror type movie) -- with somebody being attacked and their head falling off. But then we move on to Jennifer Connelly arriving at this Italian school and being nice to a bee, and it's really unclear where things are going to go.
Then, we cut to Donald Pleasance watching maggots squirm around on (was is presumably) the head that fell off that person at the beginning of the film. And it's really unclear how these things are going to relate to each other, if at all. Did I mention Jennifer Connelly sleepwalks in this film? It also only loosely figures into the plot, and I have no idea how it relates to her weird relationship with bugs (which is that bugs really like her. I mean really like her).
The movie is also apparently called "Creepers" in some circles.And for the record, the bugs never eat her face like in this poster.
Not even slightly.I had several questions during this movie:
1) Why do bugs like Jennifer Connelly so much? (Answer: There is no answer.)
2) Why does Jennifer Connelly sleepwalk, and what does it have to do with anything? (Answer: There is no answer. Outside the "storytelling" aspect, that sleepwalking gives her a reason to go out and bump into Donald Pleasence.)
3) Who is the murderer, and what does this have to do with any of the other stuff? (Answer: It is explained.... but it's really out of left-field).
Ultimately, this movie feels like somebody threw a bunch of story elements into a hat, then let their pet monkey choose a random selection out of the hat (and throw in some of his own story suggestions, like, "More yummy maggots, please,") and filmed the result.
Which would actually explain why the monkey figuresimportantly into the plot.None of the things that happened in this movie flowed logically into each other.
It seems like a major characteristic of really bad movies is that people in them do things that no one in real life would do. This movie had that characteristic. Also, parts of this movie seemed to be ripping off certain famous American horror movies, specifically, Friday the 13th and Firestarter. In the "making of" after the movie, the Italian filmmaker claimed that the American movies were ripping him off, which seems unlikely, since this movie came out in 1985, and Friday the 13th and Firestarter happened in in 1980 and 1984, respectively.
Things That This Movie Had Going For It
All of that said -- the movie wasn't entirely without merit. First, it had a good cast. Jennifer Connelly was fine as the lead girl, and Donald Pleasence was very Donald Pleasence-y in his role as "Old Doctor Exposition". Second, it was a nice-looking movie (even the disgusting-looking parts were nicely choreographed, in that sense). Third, if you're a fan of gory horror films, it had some truly horrific gore and goo scenes -- and more than the average number of scenes of people's heads falling off. Fourth, it had a monkey! That figured importantly into the plot! Fifth, it had an unexpectedly rockin' soundtrack (although it was used in a very odd way; for instance, there's a quiet scene of Jennifer Connelly slowly following a firefly into the darkness of the night...
...and instead of having something like an eerie, Danny Elfman-esque orchestral piece backing the scene, it's got an Italian rock band called Goblin blasting some pretty metal chords. It's just a really weird contrast.)
Do I Recommend This Movie?
Ah.... well, yes, but with four important reservations. The first reservation is, don't accidentally mix it up with that crappy 1990's John Travolta movie, Phenomenon -- because that would be a bad, boring and overly sentimental experience for everyone involved. (Don't watch Michael either). The other three reservations are as follows:
1) YOU MUST LIKE CHEESY 1980'S HORROR MOVIES.
2) YOU MUST LIKE CHEESY FOREIGN MOVIES.
3) It would help if you like Jennifer Connelly, and aren't too turned off at the idea of watching her make herself throw up. (Personally, watching people throw up isn't my cup of tea, but in spite of there being an overly long scene of this, it didn't wholly turn me off the film).
If you answered yes to the majority of those conditions, then, yes, by all means, please watch Phenomena. It's a disjointed mess, but entertainingly cheese-tastic.
RECOMMENDED(with vastly cheese-filled reservations)
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