Character Motivation Entry: Helping A Loved One See They Are Hurting Themselves (and Others)

What does your character want? This is an important question to answer because it determines what your protagonist hopes to achieve by the story’s end. If the goal, or outer motivation, is written well, readers will identify fairly quickly what the overall story goal’s going to be and they’ll know what to root for. But how do you know what outer motivation to choose?

[image error]If you read enough books, you’ll see the same goals being used for different characters in new scenarios. Through this thesaurus, we’d like to explore these common outer motivations so you can see your options and what those goals might look like on a deeper level.

Character’s Goal (Outer Motivation): Helping A Loved One See They Are Hurting Themselves (and Possibly Others)

Forms This Might Take:

Helping an addict sister see she’s an addict
Encouraging a parent to get involved in a 12-step program
Talking a friend out of suicide and working to get them into therapy
Being honest with a brother regarding bad influences in his life and pointing out the legal repercussions if he continues down the road with them
Reaching out to a ex-spouse about behavior (gambling, anger issues, etc.) that is dangerous for a shared child to witness
Being determined to not lose one’s son to a gang
Encouraging a child to apply themselves at school, risking ridicule from peers, as it is an escape route from a high crime neighborhood
Supporting and empowering a friend who is living a domestic violence situation because she believes its the best she can do
Being honest with a toxic friend that their behavior is hurting others and themselves and trying to encourage them to get help to process pain differently

Human Need Driving the Goal (Inner Motivation): safety and security, love and belonging

How the Character May Prepare for This Goal: 

Observe and gather evidence to support one’s argument
Make notes about instances that happen so one can bring them up if needed
Research options for therapy and aid
Create a plan before one brings it up
Anticipate possible push back and have answers ready
Make a mental list of the person’s good qualities so they can be brought up to show the person they have value
Deal with any anger or hurt before one spends time with the loved one so one can focus on trying to encourage healing
Reach out to other loved ones to help support the one in distress
Stage an intervention or host a group meeting that is free from judgement and focused on strategy for a way out
Save up money or resources so one may help the loved one (with treatment, with bills, help with child care, etc.)
Offer the loved one a place to stay, or transport to and from therapy
Be a non-judgemental ear when they need someone
Work on one’s patience, especially if the loved one is difficult or tends to lash out

Possible Sacrifices or Costs Associated With This Goal: 

Broken relationships that may not be able to be saved
Sacrificing time and energy to be with this person in their time of need
Taking flak at work if one must leave often to deal with situations as they crop up
Financial difficulties if one must helps support the loved one to ensure they are taken care of
Not being there as much as one should for functional loved one (like one’s children, or a spouse) because one’s time is always spent with the loved one in distress

Roadblocks Which Could Prevent This Goal from Being Achieved: 

Resistance to being helped
Unsupportive family members
An environment that is toxic and rife with abuse
A loved one who has lost all hope
A loved one who is refusing treatment or not taking medication
Toxic friends who encourage further devolving
Bullies (online or off) which suggest suicide as a way out
A broken system which ignore the needs of those in distress (because it is overtaxed, because the person can’t pay, etc.)
Parents or spouses to the person who refuse to see/ admit that anything is wrong
Not having a safe place to take a loved one, meaning they must continue to remain in the damaging one for the time being
Sustaining an injury or sickness that limits one’s ability to check on the loved one
A crisis with someone else that must be attended to, meaning the loved one’s needs will be temporarily not met

Talents & Skills That Will Help the Character Achieve This Goal:

A Way with Animals
Basic First Aid
Good Listening Skills
Gaining the Trust of Others
ESP (Clairvoyance)
Empathy
Charm
Hospitality
Making People Laugh
Mentalism
A Knack for Making Money
Organization
Reading People
Strategic Thinking

Possible Fallout For the Protagonist if This Goal Is Not Met:

Developing an addiction to cope with the pain one is unable to alleviate for another
Strained relationships with other family who are not understanding about one’s desire to help this individual
The loved one attempts suicide (and possibly succeeds), leading to extreme guilt
Being destroyed by self-blame if the situation escalates and other people are hurt (or killed) as a result
Health problems due to excessive worrying and stress
Lowered self-esteem

Clichés to Avoid: 

Click here for a list of our current entries for this thesaurus, along with a master post containing information on the individual fields.