Game of Thrones: Stormborn

Whereas last week’s episode was a table setter, Stormborn had a battle at sea that popped out of nowhere. Not only that, but it will have major ramifications going forward. Euron Greyjoy got his revenge on his family members and reeked some serious havoc in the process.

Sam Tarly

Sam was practicing amateur surgeon, trying to rid Ser Jorah Mormont of his greyscale. Undeterred by the fact that the maester who had tried this procedure may have cured his patient but wound up dying of greyscale, he got down to some serious surgery. This was one nasty, revolting scene as Sam had to chisel through the scale into a milky, pus-field interior. Yum.

Arya Stark

Arya meets an old friend in the form of Hotpie. She is vastly changed from the last time they met, but Hotpie hasn’t changed much and is still making pies. When Arya hears that Jon Snow is the King of the North she reverses her course from her poorly thought out journey to kill Cersei. I was surprised to find her old dire wolf reject her, but it makes some sense since Arya tossed the dire wolf to the curb way back in season one.

Jon Snow

Against advice to the contrary, Jon decides to take up Tyrion’s offer to go to Dragonstone to meet with Daenerys, but not before foolishly threatening Little Finger. Jon’s pretty awesome but he’s not in Little Finger’s league as far as cunning, and Sansa is a big girl who should be able to fend for herself. Jon’s looking for dragon glass and allies. Dany wants him to bend the knee. There’s no way that will happen. I can only imagine how the scene will go. “Hello, Aunt Danerys. Thanks for the invite.” Dany: “Hi nephew. Check out my new castle. How about we get married?” Jon: “Sure thing. Incest is pretty common here in Westeros.” Yes, my prediction is that aunt and nephew will wind up getting married. Hey, it’s a Targaryan tradition.

Cersei Lannister

Cersei is trying to recruit the lords of Westeros to fend off the eunuchs and savages that threaten their shores. Sam Tarley’s dad isn’t buying that. Meanwhile, Cersei has a new weapon to fight the dragons—a spear that she tested out on a dragon’s skeleton. Yeah, I’m not buying it. Good luck using that against real dragons.

Tyrion Lannister

Tyrion proves to be a sound strategist as he devises a plan that will bring down Casterly Rock, while taking King’s Landing with a minimal amount of bloodshed and casualties. It looks good on paper, but it’s all thrown for a massive loop in the climactic battle scene.

Euron Greyjoy

I really didn’t see this coming at all. Just when Allaria Sand is about to get it on with Yara Greyjoy, much to Theon’s disgust, all hell breaks loose when Uncle Euron pays a visit. This battle was a flat out slaughter. Just when it looked like Theon would get some redemption, he turns complete coward. Theon is my least favorite character on the show along with Sansa, and I was vindicated in my assertion that he is a complete coward and a worm. I’m not sure where they can possibly go with his character because he is beyond redemption. With this, Euron will finally get his wish—Cersei’s hand in marriage.

The pirate battle scene throws a major curve into Tyrion’s plans as he has to go back to the chess board and arrange his pieces now that they no longer have Dorne or a fleet. At least they still have dragons.