Three's A Crowd

You Don't Turn Me On (Podcast) 10 Years Ago

Three's A Crowd

I wrote the story below for a Writers' Bootcamp. Experimental, using only dialogue.

I highly *highly* recommend Jeremy C. Schipp's Fiction Writing Bootcamp. Great exercises. Great feedback.

Thanks Jeremy! X

WARNING: Explicit Language Follows

-_Q

"It could be fun!"

"Fun? You think it would be fun? I–I just don't know what to say. What to think!"

"You know that I love you, my darling. You are everything to me."

"Then why do you want someone else?"

"I only want someone else if you're there, too."

"So you want to fuck her and have me watch?"

"Well, not really."

"You want to fuck me while she watches?"

"No. I mean, it's not like that."

"Then what is it like, Jack? Tell me, what exactly is it like?"

"Well, you know, a man has–"

"Needs? So fucking help me, Jack. If the next words out of your mouth are 'needs,' I'm going to fucking punch you in the nose."

"You know things haven't been all that hot lately, and…well…I'm just looking for, I dunno, something different? New? Exciting? Work with me here, Joanie."

"Okay. Let's just say, for argument's sake, I say yes. I'm not saying yes, Jack, so just calm the fuck down. But let's pretend for a moment. You have one dick, Jack. How are you going to fuck us both? In tandem?"

"I dunno how it will work. I mean, I've never done this before, but I thought it might be fun, for both of us."

"Fun for me? You think there's not enough societal pressure for women to be tight and hot and sexy and smart and every-fucking-thing? You think it would be fun for me to be comparing myself, my body, to another woman's while we're all in bed? While I'm watching you fuck her? How exactly is that fun for me, Jack? You know what I think? I think you are thinking of only yourself. That's all. What a fucking surprise that is."

"No, Joanie. I just thought…forget it."

"You just thought what?"

"I just thought it might be fun. You know, spice things up a bit. What? What's that look?"

"I know. Oh yes! I've got it. I think you're right. I think it would spice things up, nice and hot all right."

"Really? I mean. There's no reason to be jealous. It's you who I love. Inviting someone else in would just be to, you know, experience something new."

"Okay. I'll agree on one condition."

"Name it! Anything!"

"The third person we invite in to spice things up is a man. A nice hot beautiful man with a big cock. That's right. That will spice things right up, and we wouldn't have that, y'know, only one penis problem. I think that is exactly the ticket. After all, baby, it's you I love, so what's the big deal?"