The Other Side of the Tapestry
Words just don't flow like they used to. I wrote my heart out to publish my books and then to write a series on ten different names of God. I wrote articles and blog posts on faith, connecting them to my own experiences in an attempt to help launch my books. I wrote poetry all through the adoption process (both times) and also as I grieved the loss of a failed adoption.
Then about a year ago, the well began to go dry, and words don't come easily any more. Perhaps because I'm out of practice. Perhaps because they became a burden rather than a release. Maybe I've been too distracted to be able to fully concentrate, or maybe this season of life is just meant to be lived so I can reflect on it in writing in a later season.
I can hardly believe that I'm now only days away from boarding a plane for the first leg of a trip that I once only dreamed of. Rather than feeling excitement brew within me, I instead have found myself battling tension and fear. I haven't written a poem in a very long time, but I sensed this one begging to come out. It's a combination of several scraps of paper with a few scribbles and stanzas written on each one. When put together, I believe it finally gives words to the tension and anxiety building inside me as the day draws closer to the second leg of our trip. (Just writing it out actually gave me much more clarity and peace.)
The Other Side of the Tapestry
Content I was with my little boyUntil thoughts of adoption began to stir.We talked, we prayed, and we both agreedThat we wanted a little girl.
Though we'd already begun a processfor a little girl we did not know,when we laid our eyes on your picturewe knew we had to go.
We knew we had to meet youand the brother here with you, too.We knew we had to seeif God was doing something new.
We filled out the mountain of papers,and paid all the outrageous fees.We attended every single training,and I spent hours upon my knees.
Nine years have already passedsince your sweet picture caught my eye.I fell in love with you in an instantand loved you even more as time went by.
Your curious spirit intrigued me,Your bubbly personality filled me with joy.How I longed to bring you hometo your room already filled with toys.
To the dolls I had set up for you,to a closet full of pretty clothes.To a mama longing for a little girl,to capture that first mother/daughter pose.
Instead I only got to love on youthrough a year of talking on the phone.My job was just to give you the love of a motheruntil God gave you a mom of your own.
I accepted God's plan for your lifeand accepted His plan for mine, too.But why God had me love you just to lose you,I truly didn't have a clue.
He had you on a different pathand took you oh so far away.I've wondered about you often,and prayed for you almost every day.
When your brother eventually came home to me,He found your pictures up on his shelf.Their comfort a bittersweet reminderthat he was missing a part of himself.
I had no idea how to find you,but I knew I had to find a way.I begged God, and I pleaded,"Please give her back to him someday."
Now here I sit with mixed emotions,our dream about to come true.Only 12 days now remainUntil we finally reunite with you.
Rather than excitement mounting,My eyes keep spilling tears.Tension continues building,and I'm overwhelmed with fears.
I feel joy and fear colliding,Knowing how hard this will tug on my heart.But I'm grateful God is now giving mea fuller glimpse of His art.
A clearer picture of the tapestryHe's been weaving together all along.The other side of the storywhere all I could see was what went wrong.
We get to see where God took youthat day you skipped out of your brothers' lives.We get to meet the family that needed youand the friends so thankful you arrived.
Your brother can now move forwardNo longer feeling incomplete.Though he had to give you up,Your story did not end in defeat.
I will get to see why God let me love youand pray for you all these years.The purpose for the role I played in your life,And the redemption of so many tears.
A story still in the makingBy an author known as God himself.I look forward to embracing our dreamand updating those pictures up on the shelf.
Fearful or not, I'm ready to goLeaning on God to carry me through.I trust that when we get to other side,We'll see another breathtakng, mountaintop view..
Then about a year ago, the well began to go dry, and words don't come easily any more. Perhaps because I'm out of practice. Perhaps because they became a burden rather than a release. Maybe I've been too distracted to be able to fully concentrate, or maybe this season of life is just meant to be lived so I can reflect on it in writing in a later season.
I can hardly believe that I'm now only days away from boarding a plane for the first leg of a trip that I once only dreamed of. Rather than feeling excitement brew within me, I instead have found myself battling tension and fear. I haven't written a poem in a very long time, but I sensed this one begging to come out. It's a combination of several scraps of paper with a few scribbles and stanzas written on each one. When put together, I believe it finally gives words to the tension and anxiety building inside me as the day draws closer to the second leg of our trip. (Just writing it out actually gave me much more clarity and peace.)
The Other Side of the Tapestry
Content I was with my little boyUntil thoughts of adoption began to stir.We talked, we prayed, and we both agreedThat we wanted a little girl.
Though we'd already begun a processfor a little girl we did not know,when we laid our eyes on your picturewe knew we had to go.
We knew we had to meet youand the brother here with you, too.We knew we had to seeif God was doing something new.
We filled out the mountain of papers,and paid all the outrageous fees.We attended every single training,and I spent hours upon my knees.
Nine years have already passedsince your sweet picture caught my eye.I fell in love with you in an instantand loved you even more as time went by.
Your curious spirit intrigued me,Your bubbly personality filled me with joy.How I longed to bring you hometo your room already filled with toys.
To the dolls I had set up for you,to a closet full of pretty clothes.To a mama longing for a little girl,to capture that first mother/daughter pose.
Instead I only got to love on youthrough a year of talking on the phone.My job was just to give you the love of a motheruntil God gave you a mom of your own.
I accepted God's plan for your lifeand accepted His plan for mine, too.But why God had me love you just to lose you,I truly didn't have a clue.
He had you on a different pathand took you oh so far away.I've wondered about you often,and prayed for you almost every day.
When your brother eventually came home to me,He found your pictures up on his shelf.Their comfort a bittersweet reminderthat he was missing a part of himself.
I had no idea how to find you,but I knew I had to find a way.I begged God, and I pleaded,"Please give her back to him someday."
Now here I sit with mixed emotions,our dream about to come true.Only 12 days now remainUntil we finally reunite with you.
Rather than excitement mounting,My eyes keep spilling tears.Tension continues building,and I'm overwhelmed with fears.
I feel joy and fear colliding,Knowing how hard this will tug on my heart.But I'm grateful God is now giving mea fuller glimpse of His art.
A clearer picture of the tapestryHe's been weaving together all along.The other side of the storywhere all I could see was what went wrong.
We get to see where God took youthat day you skipped out of your brothers' lives.We get to meet the family that needed youand the friends so thankful you arrived.
Your brother can now move forwardNo longer feeling incomplete.Though he had to give you up,Your story did not end in defeat.
I will get to see why God let me love youand pray for you all these years.The purpose for the role I played in your life,And the redemption of so many tears.
A story still in the makingBy an author known as God himself.I look forward to embracing our dreamand updating those pictures up on the shelf.
Fearful or not, I'm ready to goLeaning on God to carry me through.I trust that when we get to other side,We'll see another breathtakng, mountaintop view..
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