Entire staff of TechCrunch now threatening to commit mass suicide unless Michael Arrington gets his way, on everything, forever

That is the headline I've been waiting to see. But I got tired of waiting so I figured I would just write it myself.

Memo to TC staffers: You sold your startup to a big, stupid corporation. You were very happy to take the money. But the way these things work is that when you take money from a big, stupid corporation, you have to do what the idiots inside the big, stupid corporation tell you. That's the downside. The upside, of course, is the money. You took the money. What part of this do you not understand?

But oh, I hear you say, in our case the big, stupid corporation promised us that we would remain independent. We'd get to keep our "swagger," and our "Fuck you" attitude. Two things:

1. Get over yourselves.

2. This will come as as a surprise to you, but big, stupid corporations lie. It's what they do. They say things they don't mean. They do this all the time. They also sometimes say things one day and really mean them, but down the road they don't feel the same way and so they say something else.

You guys write about business, right? You're maybe aware of this phenomenon?