10 Tips on Getting Used to Sex Once You’re Married!
I know I didn’t make that transition well! And so when a newlywed blogger asked to write this post for me, I thought it would be awesome!
Now, if you’re newly married and sex is going amazingly well, you may not need this. But for those of you who have had some difficulties, I thought it would be great for you to know that you’re not alone. So, for Top 10 Tuesday, here’s Emily from the My Beloved Blog to help us figure out this adjusting to sex stuff:
Growing up in church, we talked about sex… a lot. It was never good things, though. I didn’t put two and two together until after high school and once I figured out what sex actually was, I was left with a lot of misconceptions and wrong ideas. I honestly believed condoms were pads for men! Yes, I was that naive.
Last year, I got married. Hooray! I finally felt like I had an idea on what to expect when it came to sex… and then I actually started having sex and realized it was a little more involved than I had originally thought. So, here are my:
10 Things I’ve Learned: Getting Used to “Gettin’ It On..”
10 things to know about how to get adjusted to sex--as a newlywed!Click To Tweet
1. Use Lube.
Seriously, if you want to enjoy having sex and want even more sensation, use LUBE. Some kinds of lube may irritate you though, so experiment and find the type you like best.
2. Laugh.
And laugh some more. Some of our most memorable moments, sexual or not, are ingrained into my mind solely because of laughter. For instance, the first time hubs kissed me (which was both of our first kisses), he grunted, “HEY!” smashed into my face, yawned and left my car without looking back! I was left with a bloody lip and a whole lot of questions. I jokingly added a helmet to our wedding registry, just in case.
3. We have sex issues, and it’s okay.
You will most likely experience some sort of sexual issue at some point in your marriage. For us, it was right from the start. Hubs struggled with erectile dysfunction due to some health problems. A lot of factors go into why a man struggles with ED. I thought it was only an issue in old men, that isn’t the case.
My biggest issue was the birth control method I chose. Because I didn’t know the effects hormonal birth control would have on me, I chose the non-hormonal copper IUD. From day one, I experienced excruciating pain and super-dryness down there (which is a very sad super power). I felt like I needed a lube toolbelt on hand just in case things got hot and heavy. Thankfully, I chose another form of contraception, so I don’t have those issues anymore.
Something I have had to work on is my expectations on sex, especially with our sexual hangups in mind. I can’t expect to have sex twice a day when we struggle with ED. When we were newlyweds, I would expect frequent sex and in turn, be frequently disappointed. ED is a hard issue to face for husbands- it’s emasculating and embarrassing. When I continually bring up the fact that I want sex or that I am not having enough sex, it put hubs in tough place. He wants nothing more for his body to work correctly and I have to constantly remind myself that he isn’t keeping sex from me to deprive of my needs.
4. Discouragement isn’t fun. Don’t let it set the tone for your sex life.
I was faced with a lot of discouragement right off the bat. We said our vows, moved to a brand-new city and everything seemed to just fall apart. I expected to have sex multiple times a week and after the honeymoon, it all changed. We would have sex for what seemed like hours and no one would orgasm (no one has to, though). Sex would just end with two exhausted, very disappointed sighs. I felt like I had a lifetime ahead of me of boring, ugly, unsatisfying sex. Sex definitely has a learning curve, you’re not going to be a pro at sex when you’re first starting out. My ideas on sex were on the opposite end of the spectrum from hubs. We have to come to agreements, even now, on how frequently we have sex.
Though rejection never feels good, I am learning to show grace. Sometimes no means, “not now.” Other times, when I’m ready to go but hubs’s body isn’t cooperating, I have to show grace. Sex may not happen the way I envisioned it, but I can still receive the intimacy I yearn for, in different ways.
5. Try new things.
Try all the things. Find new positions, get frisky in new places, turn on some music. The options are endless when it comes to sex with your spouse. I am a huge believer that if the two of you are consenting adults, go nuts. Obviously, we want to stick within Biblical guidelines, but other than that, have fun.
Also, A LOT of women (like 75% of us) can only orgasm by clitoral stimulation. If you are the lucky 25% that can orgasm through penetration, props to you. But, if you’re like me, don’t feel bad (or let hubs feel bad) that you can’t orgasm through penetration! A fun trick I have learned is to guide hubs’s hands or mouth to places I want to be kissed and touched. Hubs is happy to go anywhere I enjoy 
