Am Editing
Below, is an extract from a work in progress, the manuscript of my 11th novel “Political Secret”.
Which version do you prefer? Sometimes it’s hard to know as an author whether you’re improving the prose or not.
Version 1:
He took a pot out to the hut’s tank and half filled it, ready to cook a meal once she felt hungry. Rather than go back inside, he sat on a log on the edge of the lawn to enjoy the outdoors in the setting sun. Birds scattered in the forest behind him chirped their mixed calls, adding to his sensory pleasure with their tunefulness.
Version 2:
He took a pot to the hut’s tank and half-filled it, ready to cook a meal once she felt hungry. Rather than go back inside, he sat on a log on the edge of the lawn, and through the doorway could see Natalie’s bunk. He stayed there, occasionally glancing her way, and enjoyed the alpine scenery around him in the changing colours of the setting sun, his sensory pleasure increased by the tuneful chirping of forest birds on their scattered perches.
Which version do you prefer? Sometimes it’s hard to know as an author whether you’re improving the prose or not.
Version 1:
He took a pot out to the hut’s tank and half filled it, ready to cook a meal once she felt hungry. Rather than go back inside, he sat on a log on the edge of the lawn to enjoy the outdoors in the setting sun. Birds scattered in the forest behind him chirped their mixed calls, adding to his sensory pleasure with their tunefulness.
Version 2:
He took a pot to the hut’s tank and half-filled it, ready to cook a meal once she felt hungry. Rather than go back inside, he sat on a log on the edge of the lawn, and through the doorway could see Natalie’s bunk. He stayed there, occasionally glancing her way, and enjoyed the alpine scenery around him in the changing colours of the setting sun, his sensory pleasure increased by the tuneful chirping of forest birds on their scattered perches.
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