june 24, 1:20am | 7m | droop

dinner tonight was a cheeseburger with bacon and american cheese. could have had a salad. or a hot dog. the gaspacho never came. “you don’t like receiving applause,” said my friend who attended tonight’s show. “You should enj–” he began, but then interrupted himself. “Well, you do you.” tomorrow marks my last show with the company. tonight felt more intense than the others. i made a list of incidental sounds for the piano, so that my mind wouldn’t freeze in those moments of auxiliary percussion on the inside or outside body of the instrument. however, having the list there froze me up even worse. i didn’t know what to choose. what i’d chosen. tomorrow, no. but that fighting energy sustained the piece on my end. i’ll miss playing it. could have gone out to bars but instead picked up some unsweetened iced tea for f, came home and took a shower. pride begins. thinking of eight years ago when i worked the bathroom at Ty’s. The “bathroom bouncer” I called myself.