Shallon's Rules for Dating: Texting

Darlings, when it come to texting a boy, don't let your thumbs get the better of you. True, that goddamn feminist revolution may have given guys an excuse to type instead of call, but that can definitely work to your advantage.

Me, I blabber on like a piglet on speed when I'm on the phone with a guy. But via text I've learned to be mysterious and in control…and you can too. Here are my easy but super effective rules for texting!

 

1. No Question = No Response

This is my number one rule when it comes to texting a boy: DO NOT respond unless he asks a question. Oh you had Chipotle for lunch? Great, he didn't fucking ask. Even if a guy writes "This Patriots game is insaaaane!" you do not write back. This will train him to ask you questions and therefore take an interest in YOUR life.

 

2. Pick a Number

My favorite number is 87, so I keep all my texts to boys under 87 characters. This prevents me from going into great detail about my too-sweet iced tea from Coffee Bean, my kitten's sinus problems, and/or my embarrassing excitement at our second date. Keep it short, blabbermouth.

 

 

3. Wait to Reply

I hate waiting. I like to respond to people the instant they text me, and for the last six years I couldn't possibly see how that was related to me being super single. But finally I learned to compromise: I write a reply immediately, but I don't hit send. Instead, I put the phone down, watch and episode of The Golden Girls then press return.