What did I long for?

"What did I long for? At twenty-three, I of course longed for fame. Not only did I long for it, I suffered the singular notion that fame was an heirloom passed on from my father. Dead at forty, which never obviates the stuff of myths, my father acquired over the years a nostalgic eminence in Watertown; and, like him, I wanted to have my name called back and bantered about in consecrated whispers."

~~ from A Fan's Notes  by Frederick Exley