About 9/11…

What I'm about to say is so offensive and shocking, I need to preface it with a warning, and then follow it with a explanation about what I really meant. So, are you ready?

You people need to just get over 9/11 and stop picking at old wounds.

Did that hurt or make you mad that I would dismiss the tragic deaths of so many people? Do you feel entitled to hold onto your anger for that terrorist attack? Do you feel that Americans must never, ever forget that they were violated by this attack?

Then why do you not share that sentiment about victims of violence or sexual violence? Why is the advice given to these victims most commonly "just move on"?

Please understand, I'm not comparing miseries, and I'm not really telling you to forget 9/11. I'm asking you, if this one tragic event has affected you so deeply that you can't let it go, can you dismiss the victims of sexual violence and tell them to just get over what happened? I'm sure a lot of you will claim you would never. But I've had a LOT of close friends and medical professionals all dish out the same advice. It's harmful, dismissive, erasing, and it creates a society of walking wounded who may one day graduate and become abusers as a result of their shame.

We shouldn't have to get over what happened to us. We should talk out loud and admit how bad this problem has become. And if you are still entitled to be upset about an event 10 years in the past, even if you were never in New York and didn't know any of the victims, then the victims of violent abuse and sexual violence should also be entitled to hold onto their hurt for what happened to them.

I'm hopeful that you can use this as a lesson in empathy. No, I do not expect you to just get over 9/11. But I hope that before you utter this advice to anyone else, you think about how demeaning the words are.