worst at what i do best

My brain: Hey.

Me: Yes?

My brain: So I've been thinking. You have a lot of really successful friends.

Me: Don't.

My brain: And you are, like, nowhere near as successful as any of them.

Me: Please let's not do this.

My brain: So I thought we could just go over literally every single decision you've ever made in your life and catalog all the times you fucked up.

Me: Could you not?

My brain: Strap in. This is gonna take a while.