10 Tips for Writing Socially Awkward Characters
"Hey there! What's up?"
"Oh, uh. Good, thanks!"
"...."
Oh dear. It looks like Socially Awkward Character has done it again. He was going to be so careful about not being awkward today. He even came up with stand responses to small talk. But he overthought it and now it looks like he has yet another event to add to his list of Awkward Moments that he'll be losing sleep over.
Socially Awkward Character is a favorite of mine. He/She shows up in many novels, floundering his way through life with a level of awkwardness that should be unknown to man, but actually isn't because we are all awkward people and gosh, this character's inevitable success is so darn encouraging.
Unfortunately, just like Social Awkward Human in real life, Socially Awkward Character is often misunderstood, misinterpreted, and miswritten in fiction. But he's too nervous to bring the topic up and point this out to us authors, so I'm going to speak on his behalf. Ready? Okay. Let me explain some pointers to make your Socially Awkward Character realistic.
First off, a socially awkward person is a person who has a difficult time with social interactions because they don't seem to have/know how to use/even know that they are missing the correct responses to social cues. This is sometime due to anxiety, but not always.
1. They don't need a reason to be socially awkward. No, they don't need to have been dropped on their heads as children. They don't need to have been former extroverts who went through a traumatic event and slunk into a shell of social awkwardness. You know that one amazingly lucky person you know who was just born naturally charismatic? Well, the same goes for socially awkward people, and, thus, for socially awkward characters.
2. There's a difference between awkward and socially awkward. We all have awkward moments. In fact, many of your characters probably have more than one. Socially awkward characters, however, are in an almost constant state of awkwardness.
3. There's a difference between autism and socially awkward. Many autistic people are socially awkward, but not all socially awkward people are autistic. Got it? You sure? Because this is an important point. Writing an autistic character is a whole different ball game. Please don't confuse your character portrayal.
4. Pick a list of awkward things your character does. Every socially awkward character should react differently. Here are various struggles that socially awkward characters have.
They have a hard time making or keeping eye contact. They constantly stumble over their words and mumble. They fidget during conversations....Or hold themselves in incredibly stiff positions.They don't talk often because they're afraid of stumbling over their words....Or they talk too much because they're nervous. They don't understand context or appropriateness. They don't know how to enter a group conversation....Or a group anything, honestly.
I would too, man. It's okay. *pats on back, awkwardly shuffles away*They try to shrink down when they're in a group setting in a desperate attempt to become invisible and, thus, left alone. They blush or turn pale when talked to. They are awful at small talk and thus plan out conversations ahead of time, but then get confused when the other party doesn't follow the script. They apologize frequently, even when something isn't their fault. They don't like to correct other people in public. Even when the person is clearly wrong. Sometimes even when the person specifically asks for correction. They get part way into a sentence, then kind of trail off because people aren't listening and, you know, it's probably not super important and maybe dumb and....you know....So yeah. They talk to themselves. A lot.Aaaaand I just realized that I fit quite a few of these examples. *sheepish grin* *runs off to take a Social Awkwardness levels quiz* Well. BuzzFeed says I'm "Moderately Socially Awkward." So kind of them. I feel much better now.
5. They overanalyze everything. Like, everything. No, you don't understand. EVERYTHING. Let me show you how their mind words: Driving in the rain? Gotta make sure the windshield wipers are going the same speed as everyone else's. Teacher taking roll call? Gotta make sure to say "here" in the exact same way as everyone else. Got a funny look from an acquaintance? Well, now there's not chance of making friends with that person because something has gone horribly wrong, but what was it?? Socially Awkward Character overanalyzes everything. And keeps overanalyzing events years after they've taken place. This can lead to your socially awkward character believing that he's more socially awkward than he really is, but being so wound up about it that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Poor guy.
6. Your socially awkward character doesn't need to be introverted. It should also be noted that social awkwardness is not exclusive to introverts. Extroverts can be socially awkward, too, it just looks slightly difference. Extroverts will talk too much, laugh too loud, and just generally try too hard. While introverted socially awkward characters try to fit in by making themselves smaller, extroverts can try to fit in either by making themselves larger...or by attempting to tone themselves down and thus coming across as stiff or creepy. Read this post on how to write extroverts if you're confused.
7. Socially awkward characters have a lot of upside. They really do, though they may not believe it. Give your poor character a break and recognize him/her for all the things they do right. Maybe he's refreshingly candid (a side-effect of not being good at small talk). Maybe she's an excellent listener and very observant because she chooses to talk very little. Maybe he's persistent because he's had a lot of practice from failing socially and still continuing to try to make friends. Maybe, though she doesn't have a ton of friends, the ones she does have she's very loyal to. Maybe his awkwardness is just incredibly precious and lovable.
8. You don't need to cure your socially awkward character. Social awkwardness is not a disease. Newt Scamander is an excellent example in this area. He is undeniably awkward around people. He has a hard time making eye contact, he hunches, he's not particularly good at carrying a conversation. But he's very intelligent, a gifted Magizoologist, and though he's not a conversationalist, he has very strong opinions and will voice them if pushed.
The movie never apologizes for his social awkwardness. In fact, one of the things that makes him such an excellent character is his layered, awkward personality. Learn from J.K. Rowling. You don't need to fix your socially awkward character. While he/she may need to overcome his awkwardness to get through certain circumstances, that doesn't mean that he/she needs to go through a complete personality change.
9. They don't always need to have low self-esteem. How about some more socially awkward characters who know they're awkward and have a good sense of humor about it? Or ones who see it as a flaw, but don't really mind because they know they're good at other, more important things?
10. Read up on other socially awkward characters. Obviously, I think Newt Scamander is an excellent example. Others include: Charlie Brown, Piglet, Hiccup, Lilo, Neville, Mr. Darcy, Mary Bennett, Merlin (kind of), and Sue Heck. Awesome people on twitter had more to add, so click here to read their thoughts! Notice that they exist in all genres (not just contemporary) and can absolutely be main characters, not just secondary comic-relief characters.
Tell me a little bit about the socially awkward character you're writing (or your favorite fictional awkward character!). Do you have tips to add? Please leave them in the comments below!
Related articles:
Writing Introverted Characters: 8 Things You Should Know
Writing Characters With Depression: What You're Doing Wrong
Enjoy this post? Take a look around. If you like what you see, please don't forget to subscribe by email for a new post every Friday!
"Oh, uh. Good, thanks!"
"...."
Oh dear. It looks like Socially Awkward Character has done it again. He was going to be so careful about not being awkward today. He even came up with stand responses to small talk. But he overthought it and now it looks like he has yet another event to add to his list of Awkward Moments that he'll be losing sleep over.
Socially Awkward Character is a favorite of mine. He/She shows up in many novels, floundering his way through life with a level of awkwardness that should be unknown to man, but actually isn't because we are all awkward people and gosh, this character's inevitable success is so darn encouraging.
Unfortunately, just like Social Awkward Human in real life, Socially Awkward Character is often misunderstood, misinterpreted, and miswritten in fiction. But he's too nervous to bring the topic up and point this out to us authors, so I'm going to speak on his behalf. Ready? Okay. Let me explain some pointers to make your Socially Awkward Character realistic.
First off, a socially awkward person is a person who has a difficult time with social interactions because they don't seem to have/know how to use/even know that they are missing the correct responses to social cues. This is sometime due to anxiety, but not always.1. They don't need a reason to be socially awkward. No, they don't need to have been dropped on their heads as children. They don't need to have been former extroverts who went through a traumatic event and slunk into a shell of social awkwardness. You know that one amazingly lucky person you know who was just born naturally charismatic? Well, the same goes for socially awkward people, and, thus, for socially awkward characters.
2. There's a difference between awkward and socially awkward. We all have awkward moments. In fact, many of your characters probably have more than one. Socially awkward characters, however, are in an almost constant state of awkwardness.
3. There's a difference between autism and socially awkward. Many autistic people are socially awkward, but not all socially awkward people are autistic. Got it? You sure? Because this is an important point. Writing an autistic character is a whole different ball game. Please don't confuse your character portrayal.
4. Pick a list of awkward things your character does. Every socially awkward character should react differently. Here are various struggles that socially awkward characters have.
They have a hard time making or keeping eye contact. They constantly stumble over their words and mumble. They fidget during conversations....Or hold themselves in incredibly stiff positions.They don't talk often because they're afraid of stumbling over their words....Or they talk too much because they're nervous. They don't understand context or appropriateness. They don't know how to enter a group conversation....Or a group anything, honestly.
I would too, man. It's okay. *pats on back, awkwardly shuffles away*They try to shrink down when they're in a group setting in a desperate attempt to become invisible and, thus, left alone. They blush or turn pale when talked to. They are awful at small talk and thus plan out conversations ahead of time, but then get confused when the other party doesn't follow the script. They apologize frequently, even when something isn't their fault. They don't like to correct other people in public. Even when the person is clearly wrong. Sometimes even when the person specifically asks for correction. They get part way into a sentence, then kind of trail off because people aren't listening and, you know, it's probably not super important and maybe dumb and....you know....So yeah. They talk to themselves. A lot.Aaaaand I just realized that I fit quite a few of these examples. *sheepish grin* *runs off to take a Social Awkwardness levels quiz* Well. BuzzFeed says I'm "Moderately Socially Awkward." So kind of them. I feel much better now. 5. They overanalyze everything. Like, everything. No, you don't understand. EVERYTHING. Let me show you how their mind words: Driving in the rain? Gotta make sure the windshield wipers are going the same speed as everyone else's. Teacher taking roll call? Gotta make sure to say "here" in the exact same way as everyone else. Got a funny look from an acquaintance? Well, now there's not chance of making friends with that person because something has gone horribly wrong, but what was it?? Socially Awkward Character overanalyzes everything. And keeps overanalyzing events years after they've taken place. This can lead to your socially awkward character believing that he's more socially awkward than he really is, but being so wound up about it that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Poor guy.
6. Your socially awkward character doesn't need to be introverted. It should also be noted that social awkwardness is not exclusive to introverts. Extroverts can be socially awkward, too, it just looks slightly difference. Extroverts will talk too much, laugh too loud, and just generally try too hard. While introverted socially awkward characters try to fit in by making themselves smaller, extroverts can try to fit in either by making themselves larger...or by attempting to tone themselves down and thus coming across as stiff or creepy. Read this post on how to write extroverts if you're confused.
7. Socially awkward characters have a lot of upside. They really do, though they may not believe it. Give your poor character a break and recognize him/her for all the things they do right. Maybe he's refreshingly candid (a side-effect of not being good at small talk). Maybe she's an excellent listener and very observant because she chooses to talk very little. Maybe he's persistent because he's had a lot of practice from failing socially and still continuing to try to make friends. Maybe, though she doesn't have a ton of friends, the ones she does have she's very loyal to. Maybe his awkwardness is just incredibly precious and lovable.
8. You don't need to cure your socially awkward character. Social awkwardness is not a disease. Newt Scamander is an excellent example in this area. He is undeniably awkward around people. He has a hard time making eye contact, he hunches, he's not particularly good at carrying a conversation. But he's very intelligent, a gifted Magizoologist, and though he's not a conversationalist, he has very strong opinions and will voice them if pushed.
The movie never apologizes for his social awkwardness. In fact, one of the things that makes him such an excellent character is his layered, awkward personality. Learn from J.K. Rowling. You don't need to fix your socially awkward character. While he/she may need to overcome his awkwardness to get through certain circumstances, that doesn't mean that he/she needs to go through a complete personality change. 9. They don't always need to have low self-esteem. How about some more socially awkward characters who know they're awkward and have a good sense of humor about it? Or ones who see it as a flaw, but don't really mind because they know they're good at other, more important things?
10. Read up on other socially awkward characters. Obviously, I think Newt Scamander is an excellent example. Others include: Charlie Brown, Piglet, Hiccup, Lilo, Neville, Mr. Darcy, Mary Bennett, Merlin (kind of), and Sue Heck. Awesome people on twitter had more to add, so click here to read their thoughts! Notice that they exist in all genres (not just contemporary) and can absolutely be main characters, not just secondary comic-relief characters.
Tell me a little bit about the socially awkward character you're writing (or your favorite fictional awkward character!). Do you have tips to add? Please leave them in the comments below!
Related articles:
Writing Introverted Characters: 8 Things You Should Know
Writing Characters With Depression: What You're Doing Wrong
Enjoy this post? Take a look around. If you like what you see, please don't forget to subscribe by email for a new post every Friday!
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