Is S/he Into You?

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Is S/he Into You?

Recently a reader wrote to me and asked if I could write a post on how to tell if someone is into you or attracted to you. Man, if I knew the answer to that, I'd be rich. Really, really rich.

Still, there are signs, but we always are faced with a fear of rejection and the nagging question if we're reading too much into the signs. Openly talking about polyamory, especially with someone knew, can immediately sound like a proposition, whether or not it is, so we must proceed with caution. In fact, this very thing happened to me rather recently.

There was a man to whom I was quite drawn, and I fancied he was attracted to me, too. We flirted a bit, but when my husband came up in conversation, as I never hide him away, I felt this man withdraw. If the person in question is a respectful person, they're not going to tread on one's marriage or primary relationship. So if they don't know you're polyamorous and they back off, then they're likely interested, but respectful. If they don't pull away, then it might just be flirtation for the sake of flirtation, also fun, or they're not respectful of your situation. It's a judgment call at this point, and dependent on your agreement with your SO.

But if you think they're interested you can test the waters by bring it up casually in conversation. When in this situation, I texted a friend for advice, and he told me to talk about my blog. Seems rather obvious now, so I did. I talked about how rewarding it's been to have gained a larger readership though discussing relationship issues on my blog. I told him how I talked about things from abusive relationships, broken hearts, and alternative lifestyles like polyamory and swinging. And that readers responded! I went on to say how liberating it's been to talk about it under this persona, things I would never talk about under my real name for fear of family/friends freaking out. As I said in last week's post, it's none of their business anyway. Then I casually mentioned that my husband and I were polyamorous.

Worked quite well, actually.

So, feel free to use this blog series as an opener to the topic. If they're interested, they'll continue with the flirtation. And you might just get lucky.

This issue plagues everyone open to a new lover/relationship, but it is much more complicated if you're poly. Never lie. Never hide your primary away. Never deceive. This new person must make their decision based on the reality of your situation.