Tired of Failing? Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Be.
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I’ve been having a difficult time writing lately. It’s not for lack of ideas, mind you. I have plenty of those knocking around. In fact, each day brings more frantic notes on my phone or in my journal to capture those ideas before they slip out of my overwhelmed mind.
The problem is that I’m struggling with self-doubt. Second-guessing every word I write until I’m so paralyzed by it that I stare at a blank page mentally groping for the right word to even begin bringing my ideas to fruition. That first word eludes me, but even if I could find it, I doubt its [Aaargh, couldn’t think of the right word here. See what I mean!]
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Though I’ve always had self-confidence issues, this is probably the worst it has ever been in regards to my writing. In fact, in some cases, I’ve had far too much confidence in my work, and only discovered later how raw and in need of further revision and editing it was. Perhaps that is part of my problem now. Since I’ve been mistaken before, I question my self-judgement. What if I’m filled with flaws that I can’t see? What if I’m blinded to my own shortcomings? (Perhaps you noticed I’m not just talking about my writing anymore.)
You see, I’m a perfectionist. It sounds like a good thing, right? Perfectionist. That means you show attention to detail and work hard to get everything just right. How could that possibly be a bad thing?
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The way it works for me is that I’m not satisfied until things are “perfect.” I don’t think I need to tell anyone how often things are “perfect”—especially the things I do. I’m an exceptionally harsh critic towards myself, and my internal dialogue would certainly hold up in court as verbal abuse. I’m trying to change that, and I fully intend to over time, with positive thinking and inspiring mantras.
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I’ve gotten better at derailing some of my worst criticisms as soon as they pop up in my head. In fact, I think one of the reasons my characters feel so alive to me is because I allow them to talk to me as loud as they want to drown out my own worst enemy. Myself. (I’m not really hearing voices…at least, not the way that sounds. 
