The State of the Union: Part One

This turnip is experiencing anticipation and hopeful love. Or it is a stalker.

I am about as self actualized as your average turnip.

That may not be fair to turnips.

Perhaps your AVERAGE turnip sits around thinking, "I am crunchy! I am wholesome! My nature is serene root-vegetable-y-ness. I understand my potential as food, and lovingly recognize that I taste completely terrible unless I have been so thoroughly soaked in cream and butter and cheese as to render me nutritionally toxic to the...