Perspective, Life Lessons & Don’t Cry Over Spilled Dr. Pepper

Linda Tembreull, Hardball and Softball Fashion, Chris Rock, and Baseball

Perspective, Life Lessons & Don’t Cry Over Spilled Dr. Pepper

Frank speaking on Murder Book at the Pierz Library I am very thankful for the support I’ve received from people with Murder Book. I have had so many great conversations with people about it. Don’t hesitate to talk to me about it, as I enjoy sharing with people some of the subtle clues that hinted toward the ending.

Enjoying life is all about perspective. I was reading a letter Grandma Elizabeth Weber wrote after she flew to Nevada to visit Mary and Al Konen. She wrote, “We had to fly into a head wind so the trip took longer than expected. This gave us more fly time for our money.”

We had our summer party last weekend, which was attended by 50 family members. We played music outside (guitars and keyboard) until it was too dark to see. Thomas Wolfe wrote, “You can never go back home again.” (Maybe that was just him.) His point was that the place you long for no longer exists. I would take it a step further and say that you also never return the same person. Wolfe’s quote is usually interpreted in its most pessimistic form. I also think you have the opportunity to return as a better person, to people who may have also matured. There’s no guarantee, but it’s a nice consideration. As they say, “Time heals all wounds. Time wounds all heals.” I do know my family was always close, and now we’re closer (even though we see each other less often).

I’ve learned lessons from the variety of the poor choices I’ve made, and I will share some of them. I guess I learned to choose wisely, as you get to make your choices, but you don’t get to pick your consequences for them. Much of my foolishness stemmed from ill-fated attempts of humor.

I had a high school journalism class with a good friend, Tammy, and we were often (as friends do) mildly agitating each other. Before everyone had computers, the school newspaper was put together by typing up articles, gluing them down, and then taking a picture of the newspaper page, which would be printed. So we had gallon jugs of rubber cement in the journalism room. I thought it would be funny if she came back to study and she wouldn’t be able to open her book. So I glued together every page of a journalism book together, and left it in my locker to dry overnight. I’m not into destroying others’ property, so I took an extra book off the shelf (it was the last year we were using this book) and glued it. The next day, when Tammy left class to do an interview, I exchanged this book with the one sitting on her desk. The interview didn’t go well and Tammy returned frustrated. We had a test coming up so she decided to study. Unfortunately, her book wouldn’t open. When she realized what had happened she assumed the boy sitting in front of her had glued it. Irritated, she picked up a jug of glue and dumped it over his head. He stood up and swore for what seemed like two minutes straight. The teacher hit a button which brought the principal, and the fiasco escalated. Ultimately, the boy who swore was kicked out of school for two days. I was sitting in the back of the room watching this unfold, thinking this isn’t how I saw this playing out. I stood up and told everyone I was responsible for starting this whole mess and no one should have a harsher penalty than me. It didn’t change any of the consequences. I lost a grade on my report card, but I wasn’t suspended from school. When I reflect on it, I think the boy who stood up and swore was the least to blame in the whole ordeal. The lesson I learned was that when you start something with a bad choice, you have no control over how it plays out.

Maybe another lesson is that people don’t like comedians. What’s the first thing a mugger tells you? “Don’t try anything funny.”

It wasn’t the last time I was in trouble in school, but it did reduce the efforts I put into stupidity. The last time occurred in a high school math class and perhaps could be characterized as a failed attempt at sex education. I was supposed to be working on the assignment when I turned around and began talking to the girl sitting behind me. After a couple minor insults launched back and forth she referred to me as “a dildo.” I said, “Well there are worse things I could be.” It was obvious she didn’t know what a dildo was, so I educated her. She responded by slapping me. Her boyfriend, now her husband, was sitting next to the two of us laughing. The math teacher, Mr. Kapsner, looked at us, made a reasonable educated guess and said, “Weber, go to the office.” He figured if she slapped me, I deserved it. As I meandered to the office, I wasn’t upset over being slapped or even being kicked out of class. I was bothered that my mom would hear that I was in trouble again. I started thinking about all the stupid things I’ve done, from trying to make it rain in the chemistry room, to firing a football over all the parents' heads (who were watching the game around the track) because I was mad at a ref. I always took responsibility, but I could see the pain in mom’s eyes over feeling somehow she failed. It was time for mom to get a reprieve from feeling bad over my actions. Even though I could rationalize my behavior, at some point we all have to look at the effect our behavior has on others. I committed to just shutting up, and staying out of trouble. I wasn’t going to tell the principal exactly what happened, as that didn’t serve anyone well. I’d tell him I said something stupid and I got slapped. Everybody would believe it.

By the way, I did get an unsportsmanlike penalty for firing the football off the field. I’ll never forget that when I came to the sideline no one stood within 20 yards of me. I assumed they thought I finally lost it. My friends later told me they knew I’d be running “killers” the rest of the year and they didn’t want to be part of it. I was fortunate not to get ejected and I had the opportunity as quarterback to bring our team back from behind for a win. I almost lost the opportunity to help my team because of my own arrogance, and I am thankful I had a coach who allowed me to redeem myself. Thank you John Hellie! I think a good coach, teacher, parent, counselor, friend, etc. sees a potential in you before you recognize it in yourself.

Once when chemistry teacher Jerry Palo called in sick, I convinced Ed Naill that we should try to make it rain in the chemistry room. We had a cloud of steam, dust blowing, and water running down the window panes, when a teacher walked in and asked, “What are you doing?” I told him, “Trying to make it rain.” He started laughing, and as he exited said, “You didn’t see me.” But the principal noticed the water on the windows and barged in. He asked what was going on and I told him, “A chemistry experiment.” We had to shut all the Bunsen burners off (that were boiling water) and clean up the mess. I’ll never forget my friend Eddie telling me as we were cleaning, “You just keep thinking Frank. That’s what you’re good at.”

I still find some humor in not explaining myself fully. I went to a hardware store and bought some white spray paint. I told an employee I wanted the cheapest white paint they had. He suggested that I may wish to consider a better brand. I told him I wanted something that wouldn’t stay on long. When he asked why, I told him “I’m going to paint my lawn,” and left it at that. Preston was having a volleyball party and we decided we’d paint the out of bounds lines on the grass.

We offer a healthy relationships and healthy sexuality class at my business. So at one point, I went to a pharmacy and bought every type of birth control they had for the class. The pharmacist asked, “Big date this weekend?” And I said, “Yes.” Brenda and I actually had a big date that weekend. It wasn’t why I was buying the contraception, but it was true. He then tried to explain to me that I didn’t need everything. I just said, “You can never be too careful.” This, upon reflection, is probably not true.

I find myself in a variety of odd situations that create humor, even when it’s not intended. I was driving to southern Minnesota to complete some assessments and stopped in through a drive-through to pick up lunch. I had a large bottle of Dr. Pepper, which didn’t quite fit in the cup holder in my car. When I pulled up to pay, I realized I didn’t have any cash in my billfold, but thought this is okay, because I had a large change jar in my car at the time. When I reached for the jar I realized my pop had tipped over and emptied into the change jar. So I picked up this jar full of coins (now soaking in pop) and paid. I thought it was best to just pay, and leave them wondering. The next time I stopped into the same drive-through the attendant looked at me and yelled into the restaurant, “It’s that guy again!”

An important lesson I’ve learned is that there are a thousand ways to respond to every situation. Someone can be angry and you could stand up and dance if you want. You don’t have to respond as people expect.

Psalm 22 starts out, “My God why have you forsaken me.” I will never ask God this question because I can think of a 100 good reasons. Yet, still I’m blessed with God’s grace so I try to be a better Christian today than I was yesterday. I know that the more I help others, the more good things happen to me.

By the way, I’m putting a blog together on local bands over the years, so please contact me if you have information to share.

Quotes:

There are a couple quotes I often share when I talk about growing up in a large Catholic family.

1. What do you call a woman who uses the rhythm method of birth control?
"Mom”

2. I was raised Catholic. We didn’t read the bible, we just took everyone else’s word for it. We did read the bulletin.

I’ll also throw in a George Carling quote.   A police officer approached me after an accident and told me, “I want you to explain what happened, using your own words.” My thought was, “Why can’t I use the same words everybody else uses. It’s a lot to ask someone to make up words on the spot.”

Thanks for listening,

Frank