june 5, 2017 | 12:10am, 7m | wonder

i find that in movie theatres i tend to think about mortality. maybe this happens because so many people die on-screen all the time, and i really will think, like, “what about that guy?” and “what about that guy?” and then i think, “well, what about me? what will mine look like?” people in movies die often fantastical deaths, even the bit characters, and so i go down this kind of rabbit hole about all the ways in which i might, you know, go fantastically. might i step in front of a bus or walk off a cliff by mistake? when people drown in movies i almost have to leave. i go there; i inhabit that moment and think about how people really do go in that torturous way. also, in movies the earth often appears as a post-apocalyptic shell of itself, and so i then also think of the world’s mortality. where does it go? just how many wonder woman and batman sequels might we actually expect before—and i really think this—the world ends? or my attic in vermont. where does that stuff go? like, in forever time? i think often of these long lines and their expiration points. this happens even in conversations, when i think “how will this conversation end?” the second it has begun. window open in my kitchen and a cool breeze comes in across the potted mint and whatever else f has attempted to grow in our windowsill garden. and the wind wafts through because it has just started to rain. the last time it rained at night in our neighborhood, i happened to walk through it. the street reflected the lights and shadows of trees, with the west sixties and central park beyond it looking particularly sensual. i felt so lucky to live here. i often feel lucky to live here. today, just before entering the park, i took a picture of the wall of greenery, a kind of floating canopy at the park’s gates at 72nd. lush. a man posed for me though he didn’t realize it; hands in pockets, he looked toward the sky. i practiced, after a bath, for probably four hours, and didn’t get to everything. and then we saw wonder woman and i cheered at the end. and during. and the audience stayed planted in their seats watching the credits roll, which very rarely happens in new york, let alone after a super hero movie.