Butting heads…

I want to expand on something I said in the previous post and talk about how much activism needs better fighters. I don't have to point to a specific topic or civil right for this rant, because everyone could use better fighters on their side. Also, I don't mean the biggest, best boxer, though that does conjure a great mental image of Mike Tyson turning a new leaf and trying to be a spokesperson against rape by beating up religious conservatives in televised debates. No, it isn't supposed to make sense. It's a direct feed from my head, so the context for the thought is, I'm crazy.

But no, what I'm talking about are people who don't shy away from a heated debate. Way too many people these days are so afraid of confrontation that even when someone at a party says something so ignorant the rest of the room exchanges awkward looks, no one has the courage to stand up and say, "That was out of line and ignorant. This is why you're wrong…" None of your allies are present in the room, which means you've become the de facto ally. And you…sit still and keep quiet. Wouldn't want to ruin the party, right? So, the dude spouting hate who IS ruining the party goes on unchecked.

This kind of problem is bad enough by itself, but it's even worse when the person who says something ignorant considers themselves an ally, and therefore also considers their opinions above reproach. After all, how can anything they say be wrong, when they're on the same side? I've lost count of the times that I've had to debate with allies, only to have them declare that I was being unreasonable by asking them not to hold harmful or backwards views. Or that I was being unreasonable for calling them on this behavior when "those other guys do much worse."

Fine, but as an ally on my side of the fence, you've claimed that you're different, and that you're open-minded enough to learn better. You've claimed that you want to earn my trust and be a real friend. But by dismissing me because I checked your privileges, what you've really revealed is that you were never a true ally. You're an ally in name only.

I've heard more than once, "You're being unfair." Excuse me? I was held down by eight boys and beaten until I no longer recognized my own bruised and swollen face, but neither I nor my parents would suggest calling an ambulance or the police because shit like this was routine for me. I was raped by my best friend and spent a week nursing a bleeding anus because I couldn't talk to my mother about my active sex life at 13. I had a school counselor look at me after a four-on-one fight and tell me "Well, maybe you had it coming." That's unfair. Fucking life is unfair. Don't you people throw that line at me enough? So why in the hell do I have to be fair with you when you won't offer the same fairness to me?

Me telling you that something you've said is wrong is an attempt to educate you. It's my fair attempt to keep you on my side, because I need real allies in the worst way. But your resentment at me for doing it is telling about what kind of fair weather friend you are. So long as I joke and amuse you, I'm an ally. But if I remind you that you're more privileged than me with a little education, you tell me to tone it down because you're not my enemy. Nuh-uh, at that point I'm being totally fair when I tell you, "Who the fuck agreed to you being my ally?"

Don't point to your membership to a gay group as proof that you're my ally, either. Dues in my club are a fuckload more stringent than the Glee club crowds. I actually expect you to work for my causes, not just pay lip service to them. Is that unfair of me? Life is unfair. I got used to that maxim as a kid, so what's your fucking excuse for being a grown adult and still childishly demanding fairness from me?

If you won't take an education, and you're afraid to give one to someone ignorant in public, you aren't an ally. Every civil right is a fight, and the hate groups fighting against minorities understand it's a fight. They work extremely hard to keep focused on their targets, and while you roll your eyes about their ignorance, they go out and accomplish things that you're too lazy to do for your allies. That dude at the party spouting ignorant shit is preaching because he believes in his cause. Do you believe in the causes of your allies enough to check their ignorance? Then get off your ass, clear your throat, and get to work with some motherfucking education.

The minorities being attacked understand it's a fight. That's why so many react with anger when talking about their struggles, and it's why they get even angrier when their so-called allies help the enemy by promoting "tone" arguments. This is a bullshit idea that the minorities aren't being nice enough to the people abusing and mistreating them. If you're so sheltered that you think oppressed people should be nice to their oppressors in a debate, you ain't an ally. You're one of the enemies wearing an ally's costume.

Which means you're just a douchebag who can't look in the mirror and admit it. That's why you wrap yourself in the flag of diversity without actually supporting anything. You won't talk about any civil rights issues among friends, lest it cause offense. You won't correct friends who say blatantly prejudicial stuff, and you resent minorities for reminding you of your social responsibilities.

Douchebag. Pure and simple.

You got two choices what to do with this knowledge. Drop it and walk on muttering how I'm just a entitled and ungrateful transsexual, or own your mistakes and admit that you could be a better ally. Then, you should work at being a better ally instead of going right back to being a douche.

And don't ask me what I'm doing for the cause. I'm busting my ass AND breaking my wrists for many causes. I've fucking skint my wallet for others, even for straight white male survivalists who were having trouble with their next grocery trip. I work my ass off for ALL my allies, not just my one pet group. You really cannot find anyone more willing to fight in your corner, or to lend a few bucks when you're down and out.

But as an oppressed minority with zero political clout, I can scream all day and it won't change a damn thing for any of my allies. I'm the least effective tool in their toolbox of activists because angry trannies are so very, very easy to dismiss. It's not like any of our anger is justified, right?

More voices from privileged groups need to come in on these causes, and those voices need to be knowledgeable and educated. We cannot afford to have our own allies helping to promote ignorance within our ranks. So if you jump in to shout on my side, and you're spouting some ignorant shit, I don't care if you're on my side or not. I'm checking your ignorance, and I'm calling you out for it. And if your response is indignation, you…aren't…an ally. You're a douchebag pretending to act nice so you don't have to admit you're a douche.

And between you and the dudes on the right, I prefer them. At least they can wear their hate on their sleeve honestly. You're a liar who pretends, "I'm not really so bad." Yes, you are. The sooner you admit that and change, the better a chance you have of helping raise people up instead of helping to hold them down.

(And no, I don't mean you other guys who aren't like this. Settle down.)