What’s My Purpose?
On a radio interview not too long ago, the topic of purpose came up. I was asked how one finds their purpose and was unable to provide a satisfactory response. I could tell people were disappointed, as if they hoped I had some magical formula to share. Life purpose is a big question and one that we tend to think we have to hunt for in order to feel fulfilled.
‘Purpose’ is an interesting word. Originally from Latin, proponere. Pro = before; Ponere = to set or place. If we go back that far, purpose then is “that which a person sets before herself as an object to be reached or accomplished.”
Can you see how external that definition is? We tend to believe our lives need an external purpose—something to do—that’s significant in order to live well and to experience joy and happiness. Perhaps; perhaps not. Let’s see if we can take some of the pressure off ourselves. Here in a nutshell is what I believe about purpose.
Our purpose lives inside us; looking outside to fulfill it is our first mistake.
Our purpose is more about being or living in a way that fulfills our natural preferences—‘being oneself’ as my book ‘I Was a Yo-Yo Wife’ discusses in “Meology (the study of myself)”.
‘Prefer’ comes from Latin proeferre. Pro = before; Ferre = to bear or carry. Preferring is about choice and bearing or carrying that choice before something else.
Did you know that ‘prefer’ immediately precedes ‘purpose’ in the dictionary? Yes, their spelling is so similar and perhaps because, I believe, preferences must have something to do with purpose!
Our purpose is less about doing or finding a career path than it is about meeting ourselves as we truly prefer to live. As we learn to live in tune with who we are inside, our purpose expresses itself as naturally as breathing.
We are meant to have preferences because they are our internal tracking system so that our purpose is fulfilled. It’s actually about delighting ourselves which in turn accomplishes our purpose whether we can see it or not.
Unfortunately, it often takes courage to allow ourselves to express what lives inside of us because we’ve been taught for most of our lives to perform to other people’s standards and ideals. I had to learn that the hard way as I explain in my memoir.
We must be careful not to judge ourselves or our purpose as too small or insignificant to be worthy. In that framework we are judging ourselves as too small or insignificant which can be a sign of having experienced a deep history of being unappreciated. If that is the case, it becomes our work to resolve those feelings. (Notice the word ‘resolve’ can be changed to ‘reloves’—a powerful message). I explain how I learned to do this in ‘I Was a Yo-Yo Wife…Until I Learned THIS’.
Joy is a clue that we are aligned with our purpose. While we are often taught that joy is found in serving others, it’s critical to understand that any external outcome must be connected with how we experience joy inside ourselves. As we focus inside, our delightful purpose (which reveals itself through our individual preferences) is fulfilled and simply shows up outside whether or not we are conscious of it.
Some people are born or inclined early in life toward a specific direction. Don’t be jealous if you’re not one of them. I thought I was supposed to be a missionary and ended up teaching tax regulations for an affordable housing program which was fulfilling because it was my path. You might think…how boring! But I’ve had thirty years of fun in that realm because of my preferences.
Study yourself! (I call in ‘Meology’ in my book). Know who you are, what you prefer, and imagine your very own best life. Don’t get trapped by thinking of all the reasons you can’t be, do or have what is within you. You can’t help but fulfill your true, inner purpose if you allow it to reveal itself to you. Follow your preferences; follow what brings you joy and watch your external life reshape itself—on purpose.
Vivian!
Coming 2018: The Woman Who Forgot Who She Was: The Remarkable Journeys of Aver Victoria Spencer
Imagine that you have so completely forgotten who you are that you believe the life you are living is real even though it’s not. What would you do once you became aware that there is a very different, forgotten world that lives inside you and wants you to come home? Would you seek to know it or try to stay safe in your now-familiar but false life?
Welcome to ‘The Woman Who Forgot Who She Was’. Wander with fictional character Avery Victoria Spencer as she visits castles and dungeons, traverses forests and mountains, researches old books and meets extraordinary characters on her journey to meet woman she really is and the life that she is truly meant to live.
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