Purr Empire Part One Everywhere Animals Run!

     I thought I was having a nap on the lap of that Pat chap, but that turned out to be fake because we all awoke in some lake. Cassie was not happy with it. She hated water and began to hiss and spit. I had no fear and swam to shore. Pat shook off and then we heard a familiar roar. Once again he was back. It was way easier when all that godly mook did was attack.
     "Drazin was in the middle of..." Drazin's eyes were filled with love.
     "The godly mook and Plum were touching...his bum!" I looked away. That was such a scary display. Give me water any day. Drazin bare was now burned in my mind come what may.
     "Thy demon is in the nude."
     "Way to state the obvious, Pat." Cassie rolled her eyes and stared at Drazin's man parts like they were flies.
     "Don't even think about it, fleabag. Drazin isn't into such things like your crazy human." Drazin searched for something to wear while he used his hands to cover up being bare.
     "Demon, thy shall perish for such remarks."
     "What did you do now, godly mook? Pat wasn't nuts for a whole year. Now he is. Where are we?" Cassie badgered Drazin some more while Pat and I scanned the shore. There was nothing in sight. Not even a sand flea tried to bite.
     "Would it be a shocker if we were back on Island of the Gawker?" I had to point that out. It was familiar until we spotted a talking trout.
     "We swim from here to there searching for some hair. If only we weren't so slippery and wet our hair dream would be met."
     "Is Drazin going nuts or did that meal just talk?"
     "Ahhhhh. Upright humans! Feral cats! It's the end of days." The trout went beneath the sea and we knew this was not the Gawker's place to be.
     "First talking cats. Now talking fish. Drazin is in a Disney movie."
     "Hopefully it's more Lion King and less Princess and the Frog," Pat chimed in, back to his normal self with a movie spin. "I can't look at this any longer." Pat took off his shirt and tossed it to Drazin. Thankfully he wrapped it around himself and we no longer had to look at the thing the size of a raisin.
     "Let's get this over with and find out what the godly mook got us into this time." Cassie sighed and trotted away while we each kept an eye on the bay.
     "This isn't Drazin's doing, fleabag. If Drazin wanted to go anywhere Drazin wouldn't do it while Drazin was bare. If this is like that deranged candy land or those zombies with powers, Drazin is going to throw you fleabags and your crazy human in a vault and lock the door."
     "Give it a try and you'll lose an eye." I trotted behind Cassie with my tail in the air. I too could show my rump all bare.
     "Demon, what has thou done? Where has thou taken us?" Pat grabbed a stick and held it like a sword. His eyes widened as we were being marched on by an animal horde.
     "How is this Drazin's fault? Drazin doesn't want to go to a land with walking, talking animals."
     Animals dressed and walking like humans surrounded us. They were sure all making a fuss. They were even armed with guns. A few looked like they were about to have the runs.
     "Where have you come from? The Island of Forbidden? This will mean war if so. State your business or be shot," a jittery tiger stated to us. We really kicked up a fuss. He was dressed in a suit and tie. The suit was a bright blue and hard on the eye.
     "Great! A stupidly named place. I bet that name drop means it will come into play by the end of this. You'd think talking animals would have less obvious plot devices." Pat mumbled for a while and they found him and Drazin truly vile. We on the other hand were looked on with pity. I guess we did not fit into their animal city.
     "Bring out the humans!"
     "Right away, Tig Leader." A Zebra ran to the back of the crowd and then some snarling was heard and became rather loud. He was yanked back to us by three humans on all fours. These humans clearly had taken far too many brain cell losing tours. The were drooling and howling at us like mutts. This place was completely nuts.
     "Now tell us your intentions and why you are here before we unleash the deadly humans on you." Tig Leader became less jittery. Boy, his hair was so glittery. It was like he got back from some teen group sing a long. A glittery fur, suit wearing tiger was all kinds of wrong.
     "Drazin has had enough of this. Drazin will..."
     "Not like that you disgusting human. You know the drill. You want to live, you sing it." Tig Leader crossed his arms and grinned. It was clear Drazin wanted to see him skinned.
     "Godly mook, this is on you." Cassie scratched a human and he whimpered licking his hand. She wiped off her paw in the sand.
     "Cat, you are lucky you are so naive. If not you'd suffer the same fate as the disgusting humans. Release the humans," Tig Leader commanded. He sighed and then clarified what he had demanded. "Release those humans who are in their correct place on the ones standing."
     "The Great God Duke Drazin has far better things to do." Drazin picked up a rock and left the human coming at him in shock. He whacked him upside the head. I am sure nothing was permanently damaged as these humans were already brain dead.
     "I can't hit a woman." Pat tried to push back the woman biting at his heels. She bit him and the animal horde cheered with some giving weird squeals. "But she devils I may." Pat kicked dirt in her eyes and she shouted howling cries.
     "Humans are so worthless. They can't even take down their own kind. Now we do this the hard way." Tig Leader and his horde eyeballed us while the humans made a fuss.
     "Demon, is thy self bullet proof?" Pat feared the guns as this animal horde had tons.
     "Drazin's armor is. But you had to bring Drazin here while Drazin wasn't wearing it."
     "You touch crazy Pat and we'll turn you to scat." My threat may have been rather bad but I was miffed more than a tad.
     The animal horde raised their guns to the sky and then all looked to that Tig Leader guy. He placed his hand on his chest and then nodded to the rest. They aimed at Drazin and Pat and we got ready to attack the big cat. Before we could they fired and it turns out they never expired. Weird tones filled the air. Eventually they became some tune worthy affair. Then Tig Leader started to sing and Pat and Drazin acted ready to bow to this cat king.
     "We no longer roar and squawk. Now we walk and we talk. We took over where humans failed and the planet is no longer derailed. Purr Empire holds the power and beneath us all surely cower. Humans are mindless cronies. They are the one true phonies. All we had to do was grab and twist'em like a plumber unclogging the system. They fell into line and things were fine. Then you two came to shore and threatened to derail our lore. But we admit a few humans we may have missed and so you will go into the twist. There you will be snipped and sucked. All within you will be tucked. Life will move on as it should when all humans are no longer understood. So fall to your knees and prepare the way to your less thinking brighter day."
     Cassie and I tried to get through the marching hooves and feet but there was no room for retreat. So we dug a hole while he sung, secretly hoping he would pop a lung. That never occurred as Tig Leader simply purred. He was almost done his tune when I did something familiar in the sand dune. I let loose some gas. It was not such a stinky mass but it was what I do in the litter. They all became quite bitter. The tune of my gas screwed up the harmony of the animal mass. They became as bewildered as could be and then I scratched Pat on the knee. Cassie did it to the godly mook and he was about to puke.
     "Drazin can't believe Drazin succumbed to that."
     "The harmony of the animals must have encumbered our brain with some sound wave that in turn..."
     "Shut up, Pat. Run with the cat." I led the way and we ran back toward the bay.
     "No way. I got wet once. That is enough."
     "Cassie, don't be prissy or you'll be a dead missy."
     "Drazin has a better idea." Drazin knocked over a tree with one kick. That thing fell some slick.
     "Score one for the godly mook. I guess you aren't all bad." Cassie hopped on the tree and we followed suit. It is a good thing Drazin is a brute. We floated out into the bay with the animal horde yelling that we would pay. Thankfully we all held onto the bark and never got eaten by a talking shark. We made it to the other side and disappeared into the trees. I was hoping we would not run into talking fleas. The would be the last thing we needed to see. Maybe the second last, after seeing Drazin as bare as could be.

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The cat figured it was time for another tale and this one hit the trail. The first to pop in as I wrote away. So figured it wanted its say. Been a while since a long arse blog post came due. Now there may be a few. How will the tale go? Damned if I know. The cat shall just go with the flow. But that you probably know. Score one for me passing gas. It's only in tune with my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.