The Quest of the Sparrows: Part 7
Chapter 32: Fuzzy Logic
I was flying among stars spread so densely, they formed a river. The universe looked beautiful with its suns, planets and galaxies. It seemed as if I wasn’t alone but accompanied by a benign force. As I drifted along the river of stars, I experienced a sense of joy and freedom, as if I was liberated from all binds. I felt surprisingly light.
‘You have to return now to your world and do the job meant for you,’ said the invisible force.
‘I don’t want to leave. I’ve never been so happy.’
‘Your job awaits you. When you return, there won’t be any turning back.’
‘Promise?’
‘Promise.’
When I woke up, I felt sad for no reason, as if I’d lost something precious. The beauty of the state persisted. Still groggy from sleep, I reached for the glass pitcher.
Was it a dream or something real that I had seen? I didn’t know. I looked at my chopped finger, a constant reminder of my financial failure. For five years, I had struggled to make a career out of my engineering degree. I couldn’t compromise with corrupt superiors and unethical practices. Now, to escape the consequences of my financial problems, I agreed to be a guru to so many people who would repose their faith and trust in me. I was clueless as to what I was supposed to do, with no learning or experience whatsoever. Should I go and tell everyone the truth? Should I tell them to seek salvation at a more deserving place?
If I did this, the loan sharks would never leave me in peace when the next installments came up. And what to make of the dream? It perplexed me. It was loaded with overpowering significance. What of the joy I’d experienced in the flight, which still lingered? Only my father could answer these questions. Just three hours remained between now and 6 a.m. If I slept now, I might never see him again — if his intent to take samadhi was real.
I felt compelled to talk to my father.
The lights in the corridor were dim, but I found his room easily. I pushed the door from the outside and it gave in. It took me some time to get accustomed to the darkness.
He was sleeping on the floor without a mattress or bedsheet beneath him. It was very cold because the heater was off. The sparsely furnished room smelled of the sweet fragrance of incense sticks. It was more like a temple than a bedroom.
I stood watching my father as he slept peacefully, without even a pillow beneath his head. His face looked serene. I saw his caved-in stomach, his undernourished body, and realised that though my father was surrounded by luxuries, he lived a severely austere life. Automatically, my gaze went to his forehead, which seemed to glisten with a halo. As I stood, uncertain of what I should do, my father opened his eyes.
‘What are the questions troubling you, my son?’
I was shocked. How could he have read my mind? I stared into those hypnotic eyes with unfathomable depths. ‘I feel like a fraud and am leaving this ashram.’
‘Why? What fraud did you commit?’
‘I can’t fool people into believing I got shakti-paat and have moved to a higher spiritual plane, and give sermons. Because I haven’t changed in any way. I have neither the knowledge of a saint nor the grace of a holy person. I feel every inch a fraud.’
‘The shakti-paat was real. In time, you’ll understand it fully.’
‘What’s the need to lie when we stand here alone?’
‘I believe in it and one day you will too. For now, sit and close your eyes to take an inward journey and tell me if you see something.’
‘But what has this got to do — ’
‘Go ahead, just do it. You and I are not going to lose anything by this simple exercise.’
I closed my eyes and sat motionless for what appeared like five minutes. Gradually, a joyous state enveloped me. Abruptly, I saw the same river of stars, the Milky Way and the universe in slow motion I had dreamt of in my sleep. I also saw a huge ball of light in the middle of this universe. The repeat experience startled me. What was happening?
‘What did you see?’ My father broke the spell. I opened my eyes and stared at him. What had he done?
‘I saw the universe and a huge ball of light — exactly the same I dreamed of when I fell asleep, after the shakti-paat.’
‘You just saw the inner light of your divine self, which is present in all of us. It’s divine light. However, the darkness of ignorance eclipses it. During shakti-paat, I merely raised the curtain of ignorance and let the divine light fill your being. The light you saw was your own divine self.’
What he said appeared incredible. The ecstasy I had experienced was unique. ‘Still, it’s difficult to believe that spirituality is like cooking instant noodles.’
My father laughed. ‘Spirituality is an inherent, ever-present quality in all of us. When awakened, it becomes accessible instantly. Just like the force of electricity comes alive with the flick of a switch.’
‘I don’t know if it’s available in me and I don’t know what to do with it.’
‘Different people put electricity to different uses. Someone uses it in a torch to light a path at night and someone else lights huge mercury lamps to flood an entire auditorium. Our spiritual force is present in all its strength and ready for us to use. It’s present in the meanest of human beings, as in the most saintly. With an ancient process, I’ve merely given you ready and easy access to your own spirituality, switched it on, like electricity.’
‘You mean you have put me on a fast track? I find that hard to believe. What about my disciples? How would I be able to help them access their spirituality? I see that as my key role, of which I have no clue.’
‘Good concern. The spirituality I’ve invoked in you is more like a seed I’ve planted. But it’s you who’ll decide whether to nurture the seed and make it a tree or let it wither. If you make it a tree, then the fruits of your effort will be available to all those who come in touch with you. However, if you deviate from the spiritual path, this light will dim. Just stay steadfast on the path, and the light will glow like a thousand suns. It will bless many by its radiance. You’ll be able to dispel the darkness that lingers in ignorant minds with the light of your knowledge. Unleash an exponential chain reaction by giving everyone their self-realisation.’
‘Self-realisation?’
‘The shakti-paat I gave is just one-to-one, from me to you, limited to two people. But if you remain steadfast, you will ignite self-realisation in millions of people with this light that is in you.’
I smiled disbelievingly. ‘What are you doing on the floor, in this cold? You don’t even have a bed and you haven’t switched on your heater.’
‘Those are materialistic comforts, not necessary. The joy I feel with the Divine is what I relate with. I don’t need them because I rarely identify with my body.’
‘I wish I could believe what you said. What about the samadhi? Is it possible? Or is it suicide you’ll commit tomorrow?’
‘Suicide is a cowardly act. Death comes to all of us; I’m choosing the time to leave my body. Only blessed mortals can do so, that too after several years of attuning to the Supreme.’
‘Your austerity could be a ruse to impress the gullible, and the samadhi could be suicide, despite what you claim.’
‘And what you saw just now is the result of opium we mixed in your food? Our mind can do nothing except destroy everything sublime. I can’t extract you from the swamp of intellectualism. To come out, listen to your heart. It’s easy to destroy what the heart builds. I have given you a glimpse of the absolute truth. But faith is something you’ll have to build on your own. Even God can’t instil it in human beings.’
His word signalled that the discussion was over; the spell had broken.
The temporary bridge of friendship built in those beautiful moments lingered in my mind long after I closed the door gently behind me.
From my first novel published in 2011. You can buy the book here in paperback or kindle edition.
