An Open Letter to Leigh Bardugo

duckiereads:

Hello, Leigh ( @lbardugo )! It’s your friendly-neighborhood Baillie! 

I wanted to address the presents I’ve been giving (maybe shoving?) your way. While it’s been fun for me to create things that you (and whatever authors I end up latching on to) might enjoy–someone I volunteered with yesterday at the festival warned me to stop because you were probably uncomfortable with the gifts. 

And it broke my heart.

A little background on why I started giving you gifts: 

The last time I tried to give a friend a present, a personalized and signed copy of Vampire Academy, she accepted with a “Nice! I’ll add it to my collection!” And while I know she meant no harm–instead, meaning to make a joke about how many copies of tVA she had–it kind of made me recoil. It was a present that took hours of action (and standing in line) and a bit of planning to make sure we could get her this present. And my gesture was brushed aside.

I’ve enjoyed giving presents to friends for years and since then I stopped. Which is heartbreaking since I also feel inclined to stop keeping in contact with my friends because, in my mind, this brushoff is some sort of rejection. Even now making friends at my university is kept at a no-present policy so I don’t scare anybody off.

So I turned to authors because I figured they deserve presents and goodies after writing so much and I know I appreciate them to the moon and back. And I know some authors have to deal with mean people a lot and sometimes just need something nice.

I’ll be the first one to admit that my obsession with you increased tenfold when I ended up with SoC at SDCC (and I actually cried walking away from the Fierce Reads booth). Actually–I walk away from almost every interaction with you about to cry because I’m always in such complete and utter awe of your presence. The more I hear you talk at signings and at panels and even just on twitter– it’s more and more clear that you’re a fantastic and amazing person. 

And by no means do I want to make you uncomfortable with my presents.

But please, please, please let me know if it makes you uncomfortable or you truly want me to stop. I just had never stopped to even consider your side of things. 

It makes me feel incredibly selfish.

My Best Regards, 

Baillie 

P.S. 

To Better Explain your gift basket from YallWest: 

Blue Eyeshadow + Red/Gold Lipstick= Wonder Woman inspired Makeup

Fan: I thought I would get to you sooner and that it might help with the heat

Eyelashes: They Reminded me of Six of Crows

Justice League Stickers: I gave the same ones to Marie Lu. Just DC related.

Other Stickers: They were cute? 

Glow Sticks: Some events just need glowsticks

Hey beautiful Baillie, 

This letter made me so sad. And to be frank, while I hope that volunteer was well meaning, I think she had absolutely no business saying something like that to you. 

I’ve adored every one of your gifts from the bows to the basket to the cake to your gorgeous sketches. You have never made me feel uncomfortable, only grateful. 

People often ask about bringing gifts to signings, so maybe that’s a good thing to address here. (Obviously, I can’t speak for all authors. We all have different policies and levels of comfort with things like gifts, photos, etc. and it has nothing to do with how much we value our readers.) 

I think what I most need to say is that gifts are 100% unnecessary. You’ve spent your money on my books! You’ve stood in line when you could be doing other stuff! Those are HUGE gifts. The best gifts. So there’s a big part of me (the same part that wants you to bring a sweater and stay hydrated) that really wants you to take that gift money and spend it on yourself. Books are expensive. Life is expensive. Treat yourself. 

But please know that if you do bring me something, I’m going to treasure it. (And sometimes the timing is uncanny. I was desperate for tea to add to my water bottle at Yallwest and lo! delicious teas appeared because you guys clearly have powers.) Everything I’m given on tour is packed up and sent to me, and I read every single note and letter when I get back home. Which sometimes results in me sitting in the middle of my hallway crying. And I AM NOT ASHAMED. 

tl;dr Gifts are welcome but unnecessary. You guys are splendid and very necessary. 

(and Baillie, I am sending you the biggest hug)