Men believe discussing problems a waste of time

Boy, does this explain a lot. As so often happens in our post-feminist culture, women have been deemed the norm and men the aberration from that norm.  So women's compulsion to talk things over has been labeled healthy and men's reluctance unhealthy.

Glad someone has shifted the cultural paradigm to take a more balanced approach - one which respects men and recognizes the need for balance.  And I think the advice is great: stop pressuring boys to talk about their feelings and start enlightening our girls that relationships can wither and die from their compulsion to talk things over. But didn't we all know this in our heart of hearts?

Males Believe Discussing Problems Is A Waste of Time, MU Study Shows
Psychology study contradicts popular idea that males need to feel safe to share feelings

Aug. 22, 2011

COLUMBIA, Mo. - A new University of Missouri study finds that boys feel that discussing problems is a waste of time.

"For years, popular psychologists have insisted that boys and men
would like to talk about their problems but are held back by fears of
embarrassment or appearing weak," said Amanda J. Rose, associate
professor of psychological sciences in the MU College of Arts and Science. 
"However, when we asked young people how talking about their problems
would make them feel, boys didn't express angst or distress about
discussing problems any more than girls. Instead, boys' responses
suggest that they just don't see talking about problems to be a
particularly useful activity."

Rose and her colleagues conducted four different studies that
included surveys and observations of nearly 2,000 children and
adolescents. The researchers found that girls had positive expectations
for how talking about problems would make them feel, such as expecting
to feel cared for, understood and less alone. On the other hand, boys
did not endorse some negative expectations more than girls, such as
expecting to feel embarrassed, worried about being teased, or bad about
not taking care of the problems themselves. Instead, boys reported that
talking about problems would make them feel "weird" and like they were
"wasting time."

"An implication is that parents should encourage their children to
adopt a middle ground when discussing problems. For boys, it would be
helpful to explain that, at least for some problems, some of the time,
talking about their problems is not a waste of time. Yet, parents also
should realize that they may be 'barking up the wrong tree' if they
think that making boys feel safer will make them confide. Instead,
helping boys see some utility in talking about problems may be more
effective," Rose said. "On the other hand, many girls are at risk for
excessive problem talk, which is linked with depression and anxiety, so
girls should know that talking about problems isn't the only way to
cope."

Rose believes that the findings may play into future romantic
relationships, as many relationships involve a "pursuit-withdraw cycle"
in which one partner (usually the woman) pursues talking about problems
while the other (usually the man) withdraws.

 "Women may really push their partners to share pent-up worries and
concerns because they hold expectations that talking makes people feel
better. But their partners may just not be interested and expect that
other coping mechanisms will make them feel better. Men may be more
likely to think talking about problems will make the problems feel
bigger, and engaging in different activities will take their minds off
of the problem. Men may just not be coming from the same place as their
partners," Rose said.

Read more at the University of Missouri News Bureau