A Final Wave

“I have come to know of one thing,” he said, “of which I myself had no idea once.   As Uncle said of LOVE…it is this:  that you cannot eat your cake and have it.”--THE SUPPER AT ELSINORE (Seven Gothic Tales) By Isak Dinesen
Birda is such a sweetheart and an “artist”.   She sketched an actual bicycle on the outside of an envelope that included a letter for me.   She wrote as follows:
Michael,Today I went for a ride on the old bike.  I ended up by a fountain we once rode around together a long, long time ago.  It started me thinking about you.  I decided it was time to drop another line or two (more like twenty more).
Things are crazy again.  I was released to return to work last Monday.  When I won’t work they told me I was “on-call” which means there is no work.   The railroad is on-strike so there are no cars to be moved in California.  Rumor has it we are going back East to pick up cars and bring them back here to the West Coast.  I could be gone for up to two weeks but you never know.  It’s a day-to-day life I am living.
The weather is perfect.  I’m glad I’m not working and finally out of pain.  I’ve been off for too long but riding the bike is better than work any day.   Eight weeks ago I could only ride about eight miles and I was hurting too much to go on.   Now I just keep going.  I know when I go back to work I won’t have time to ride, so I’m on that bike all of the time.   Well, I’m on it for at least two hours a day.
April 18th…The phone rang and I had to run.  It’s Thursday and I didn’t win the LOTTO.  I am back to work on Monday (maybe).   The strike is over.   It’s amazing.  So I’ll be in California and back to normal.  I am telling you day-to-day is unbelievable.I was out on the bike again.  I’m going to get a tan now.  I may write more later or when I’m lying in the sun, soaking up those rays on a Thursday afternoon.   What a life.  I hope yours is well.   Write soon.Love,Birda
P.S.  New York:  I still haven’t been there.   Someday!   “Rules for a Perfect Marriage” I need to borrow it from you (if you have it).   I’ll need to know the rules if the time ever comes.   Move to New York?  I hate to tell you this but I’m glad you don’t have the funds.  I have a hard time getting to L.A.  If you moved to NY I’d never see y you.
April 20th…It’s me again, Birda.   It’s Saturday night and I’ve decided to stay home and just spend this evening alone.   That’s when I remembered I haven’t mailed your letter(s) yet.  I really am bad about that.  I was going through a box I keep all of my papers in the other day and I came across about five letters from way back that I never sent.
I am still not back to work and I’m off again on Monday (day to day changes).  It’s raining here and cold.  The perfect time to stay inside with the fire, a glass of wine and a blanket…Oreos and milk would be better but I had that last rainfall…   I know I was weak and it shows…but the Oreos were so good.
All I have to do now is remember to put this in the envelope and mail it.Take Care.   Me.
April 26th…I was so alarmed by the opening scene of this film called A KISS BEFORE DYING that just came out on April 26th.  Wow!   The opening has this surprising murder that I totally did NOT expect.  Frightening. Actor Matt Dillon learns that his secret girlfriend Dorothy's pregnancy will sour her relations with her ultra-rich father and so the career-minded Philadelphia student Jonathan Corliss (Matt Dillon) coolly murders her, making it look like suicide.   He then moves to New York to woo her twin sister Ellen (Sean Young).  All seems to go well for him, although Ellen's continued investigations into what she is convinced was not a suicide forces him to kill again.  Outrageous.

April 27th…I met Steven Antol for coffee.   It was brief.  Alan couldn’t make it but he picked me up in Venice after the meeting.   It was a waste of time.   I felt like a stranger while I was with Steven.   I feel better when I am with Alan.   He excites me and is much more interesting in every way.  When I got into Alan's car I waved good-bye to Steven and I really felt that it was a final wave.   It was. 
“Everyone is always curious about unpleasant things, have you ever noticed that?   Get something grisly and they will just hover around—like buzzards!”
--Calder Willingham, END AS A MAN