Performing donuts in the centre circle in a car with square wheels

In today’s Fiver: Vidal goes in two-footed, a Fiver letters north-south divide special and a Hanson reference

So Leicester City’s dream of joining Midlands rivals Nottingham Forest and Aston Villa in the pantheon of unlikely European champions is over. A terrible shame but on the flip side they don’t look like becoming irrelevant second-tier mediocrities any time soon, so it’s swings and roundabouts. And in any case, last night’s display against Atlético Madrid ensures they take their leave of the continental stage with heads held high. “What a great performance from Leicester,” swooned Atletico manager Diego Simeone. “It was almost a pleasure to compete against them. We were living in fear all night of what they might achieve.” Forcing Diego Simeone to live in fear! They should strike Leicester a few shiny medals just for that.

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