The Fiver | Bodyswerving a particular monicker-based humiliation

In today’s Fiver: Big Cup, ’Arry Redknapp, Brighton and much more

The folks at Uefa have much to worry about at the moment. Did they really treat Borussia Dortmund properly? How to deal with the ongoing situation involving Bastia? And whatever to order?! Cheese soufflé and double cream, beef with wild mushrooms in a red wine jus, lard ice cream, café et petits four? Then, after breakfast, deconstructed club sandwiches, with the constituent parts of bread, chicken, bacon, tomato, mayonnaise and another slice of bread replaced by, in turn, foie gras, foie gras, foie gras, foie gras, a very thick slab of foie gras and some deep-fried battered foie gras? Decisions, decisions.

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